caribena,
The assumtions foreign women make about their Turkish boyfriends usually ruin their life. It is very common for a foreign female to be in relation with a Turkish guy who would never have a normal relationship with a Turkish girl. Foreigners simply don't understand some lifstyles because there is no such lifestyle or anything smillar where they come from.
I have serious doubts about your relationship from what you have told.

really ???

Why ?

Oh yes, I've heard of that in the UK too. Men do it mostly, they cut themselves to relieve tension and stress Personally I'd sooner have a nice bottle of red wine to do the same job

Julia

I would like to say, not to worry about all this debate on the forum.
Different people seem to be generalising to such an extent that you should be trying to read into the entire family mentality from different traditions they follow.
What I and my friends have found is that all familys will give you a great amount of patients for mistakes you make. And they will show great respect for any tiny amount of effort you show e.g. the women respect that I help in the kitchen (me being a man) and the men respect me for learning backgammon. Further, they really enjoy watching me try my best with the language.

As for which customs will be important. The only person to know will be your partner. Just for an example of how particular it can be for different families and communities I'll explain my partners family. They part of the Tukish communities that were exiled from Bulgaria, and now live in the Europe side of Turkey. In Bulgaria they did not kiss hands, but in this part of Turkey they do, so some people pull htere hand away with a laugh and an extra kind hand shake, and other let you kiss the hand. I only ever kiss hands when I have seen my partner do it. The same with kissing cheeks. The normal reaction is one of laughter, or the 'well trained' boyfriend (in the nicest possible way), and gratitued for the effort.
As for all the customes your partners family follow, I would say, some of them your partner may forget to mention (being so normal for him) and therefore you will have to learn along the way, but as I have said, don't be scared as they will give you room for error....

.....and if they don't.....well that's in-laws.

Is it really hand Kissing.. OR.. Pretending?
cause normaly when we kiss someone on the cheeks,for saying hello,we pretend to kiss

I only ever did hand kissing to his grandparents, anyone else was both cheeks (pretending as such..just sort of rub cheeks lol) although ill admit the first time i did it to his mother infront of a crowd i actually kissed her and left proof, when she turned around the silence broke and everyone started laughing as she wore my lipstick on her flushed cheeks!!!

Never again..

I only ever kiss someones hand when its forced in my face, anything to keep the in laws( x inlaws) happy, but the close family members dont tend to only the olders..

My eldest daughter who is know coming up three refuses to kiss hands and kisses both cheeks of all male family members, though she still tries to snog all her turk aunties, grandam .. i didnt teach her!!

Me and My girls get accpeted by the in-laws, even though me and my x husband now divorced and have nothing to do with him..i still have contact on regular basis with all his family, whilst hes not bothering too, and to think at one point i was worried of not being accepted!

salla..

I love my Turkish in (X)Laws so much....that, im preparing to meet my boyfriends family soon, yaaaa no real kissing cheeks this time

This thread and the talk about traditional families has really shocked me. It is not what I have experienced at all. Of course there are some families that have major problems (as there are anywhere) but you can't put everyone in a category just because they keep some old traditions.

My in-laws are somewhat conservative but they have accepted me with open arms even though the relationship has caused them some problems. Those who speak english have become really good friends of mine and those who don't (which is most of them) encourage me to learn turkish and they want me to teach them english and all together they are ten times more generous and friendly than my own family. They have quickly made me relax even though their culture is very different from anything I have seen before.