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Please explane why????
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| 90. |
20 Oct 2007 Sat 02:29 am |
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From her post, it looks like he has already told her they are playing with fire, he is going to marry a Turkish woman, but he wants to still see her.
The thing is, love, what ever type of love it is, but in particular, romantic love, makes your mind melt. From a distance, when you are not in love and are thinking rationally, it's easy to see incompatibilities. Love is not rational.
When you are in love all you want is to be with your beloved......no matter what. One is drawn like the proverbial moth to the flame.
Unless he were able to divorce himself from his family and all that entails, there is no reasonable way it could work. If he were to do that, it would be just about impossible for her to fill the gap that would leave. She couldn't do it. His identity, is fused with that of his family. Taking him out of that would change who and what he is. He would become something else, and she that is not what she loves. If she changed to fit into his family and all that entails, she wouldn't be who she is now.
It's like being in the forest and picking a wildflower, only to watch it wither and fade when brought inside. It was beautiful in the woods. Enjoy it there and move on.
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| 91. |
20 Oct 2007 Sat 02:50 am |
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Quoting alameda: From her post, it looks like he has already told her they are playing with fire, he is going to marry a Turkish woman, but he wants to still see her.
The thing is, love, what ever type of love it is, but in particular, romantic love, makes your mind melt. From a distance, when you are not in love and are thinking rationally, it's easy to see incompatibilities. Love is not rational.
When you are in love all you want is to be with your beloved......no matter what. One is drawn like the proverbial moth to the flame.
Unless he were able to divorce himself from his family and all that entails, there is no reasonable way it could work. If he were to do that, it would be just about impossible for her to fill the gap that would leave. She couldn't do it. His identity, is fused with that of his family. Taking him out of that would change who and what he is. He would become something else, and she that is not what she loves. If she changed to fit into his family and all that entails, she wouldn't be who she is now.
It's like being in the forest and picking a wildflower, only to watch it wither and fade when brought inside. It was beautiful in the woods. Enjoy it there and move on. |
I think you put it excellently Alameda. Although I don't agree that divorcing oneself from our family has to leave a gap. I think that we can disagree with our families, not follow their expectations, even anger them with our decisions, but still love them and identify ourselves with our roots. That's what being an adult means I think. But I agree that if this "divorce" is forced upon the man or woman, it indeed may leave a gap.
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| 92. |
20 Oct 2007 Sat 12:02 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting alameda: From her post, it looks like he has already told her they are playing with fire, he is going to marry a Turkish woman, but he wants to still see her.
The thing is, love, what ever type of love it is, but in particular, romantic love, makes your mind melt. From a distance, when you are not in love and are thinking rationally, it's easy to see incompatibilities. Love is not rational.
When you are in love all you want is to be with your beloved......no matter what. One is drawn like the proverbial moth to the flame.
Unless he were able to divorce himself from his family and all that entails, there is no reasonable way it could work. If he were to do that, it would be just about impossible for her to fill the gap that would leave. She couldn't do it. His identity, is fused with that of his family. Taking him out of that would change who and what he is. He would become something else, and she that is not what she loves. If she changed to fit into his family and all that entails, she wouldn't be who she is now.
It's like being in the forest and picking a wildflower, only to watch it wither and fade when brought inside. It was beautiful in the woods. Enjoy it there and move on. |
I think you put it excellently Alameda. Although I don't agree that divorcing oneself from our family has to leave a gap. I think that we can disagree with our families, not follow their expectations, even anger them with our decisions, but still love them and identify ourselves with our roots. That's what being an adult means I think. But I agree that if this "divorce" is forced upon the man or woman, it indeed may leave a gap. |
well said!when you love you love no matter if it is understood by the whole world or not.But definitely loving someone should not mean giving in your dreams and make yourself a slave to a beloved one,being an instrument of one's will,being in someone's hands not able to think your own way or to decide about yourself.Then it stops being love,becomes an addiction.
As far as family influence goes i can agree up to a point.We all carry in ourselves our family patterns of behaviour,it is unavoidable but I do not think that family in case of mature person may influence his/her decisions or choices regardless even cultural or religious differences.Parents seem to forget that children should have their own way of gaining life experience and freedom of choices.
There is a beautiful piece of writing on it By Khalil Gibran's " Prophet".
Anyway,Bathory you have my admiration for posting such detailed description of your problem.It was like throwing yourself to the lions. But nobody here is a lion,I think and what people criticise is not you as a person .You were brave enough to bring your problem up to the light.Bcs of it you proved that you are open and strong enough to get rid of the mess from your life.
good luck with it.
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| 93. |
20 Oct 2007 Sat 11:11 pm |
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Quoting kafesteki kus: Quoting catwoman: Quoting alameda: From her post, it looks like he has already told her they are playing with fire, he is going to marry a Turkish woman, but he wants to still see her.
The thing is, love, what ever type of love it is, but in particular, romantic love, makes your mind melt. From a distance, when you are not in love and are thinking rationally, it's easy to see incompatibilities. Love is not rational.
When you are in love all you want is to be with your beloved......no matter what. One is drawn like the proverbial moth to the flame.
Unless he were able to divorce himself from his family and all that entails, there is no reasonable way it could work. If he were to do that, it would be just about impossible for her to fill the gap that would leave. She couldn't do it. His identity, is fused with that of his family. Taking him out of that would change who and what he is. He would become something else, and she that is not what she loves. If she changed to fit into his family and all that entails, she wouldn't be who she is now.
It's like being in the forest and picking a wildflower, only to watch it wither and fade when brought inside. It was beautiful in the woods. Enjoy it there and move on. |
I think you put it excellently Alameda. Although I don't agree that divorcing oneself from our family has to leave a gap. I think that we can disagree with our families, not follow their expectations, even anger them with our decisions, but still love them and identify ourselves with our roots. That's what being an adult means I think. But I agree that if this "divorce" is forced upon the man or woman, it indeed may leave a gap. |
well said!when you love you love no matter if it is understood by the whole world or not.But definately loving someone should not mean giving in your dreams and make yourself a slave to a beloved one,being an instrument of one's will,being in someone's hands not able to think your own way or to decide about yourself.Then it stops being love,becames an addiction.
As far as family influence goes i can agree up to a point.We all carry in ourselves our family patterns of behaviour,it is unavoidable but I do not think that family in case of mature person may influence his/her decisions or choices regardless even cultural or religious differences.Parents seem to forget that children should have their own way of gaining life experience and freedom of choices.
There is a beautiful piece of writing on it By Khalil Gibran's " Prophet".
Anyway,Bathory you have my admiration for posting such detailed description of your problem.It was like throwing yourself to the lions. But nobody here is a lion,I think and what people criticise is not you as a person .You were brave enough to bring your problem up to the light.Bcs of it you proved that you are open and strong enough to get rid of the mess from your life.
good luck with it. |
I absolutely love Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet" absolutely beautiful!!
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| 94. |
22 Oct 2007 Mon 03:04 pm |
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Thank you to everybody that has read my post and said what the felt and thought. I have read all of it and it has helped me to see out of the box. I was living in a dream world and i needed to wake up, it is really a huge pity that it has taken me all this distruction to myself and doing wrong things without thinking of myself and what is right. I have made a dissision and i have cut out the cancer that was eating me up. It is going to take a very long time for me to work through the things i have done and the things that has been done to me, but i am sure that it cant rain all the time. I have taken my life back and it is up to me now to make the best of it. I will never trust a person with my heart or life ever again.
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| 95. |
22 Oct 2007 Mon 05:57 pm |
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Quoting Bathory: I have taken my life back and it is up to me now to make the best of it. I will never trust a person with my heart or life ever again. |
Well done Bathory. What you have done is very very brave and I know its so hard to leave somebody you loved so much. But it is the RIGHT THING. That kind of love can only make you unhappy.
I hope you DO trust again, but only somebody who lets you be who you are, make your own decisions and your own happiness.
Good luck 
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| 96. |
22 Oct 2007 Mon 06:13 pm |
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Quoting Bathory: Thank you to everybody that has read my post and said what the felt and thought. I have read all of it and it has helped me to see out of the box. I was living in a dream world and i needed to wake up, it is really a huge pity that it has taken me all this distruction to myself and doing wrong things without thinking of myself and what is right. I have made a dissision and i have cut out the cancer that was eating me up. It is going to take a very long time for me to work through the things i have done and the things that has been done to me, but i am sure that it cant rain all the time. I have taken my life back and it is up to me now to make the best of it. I will never trust a person with my heart or life ever again. |
I am glad that you have decided to take your life back into your own hands!! Well done!! You will have some rough patches in the road but believe me you will get through them. The things that hurt us the most are the things that make us stronger - believe in yourself, you will make it through this, and in time you will love and trust again. Its the natural course of things. Good luck, and remember, if we ask forgiveness and make a concerted effort not to repeat the past - all is forgiven!!
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| 97. |
22 Oct 2007 Mon 07:43 pm |
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Quoting Bathory: Thank you to everybody that has read my post and said what the felt and thought. I have read all of it and it has helped me to see out of the box. I was living in a dream world and i needed to wake up, it is really a huge pity that it has taken me all this distruction to myself and doing wrong things without thinking of myself and what is right. I have made a dissision and i have cut out the cancer that was eating me up. It is going to take a very long time for me to work through the things i have done and the things that has been done to me, but i am sure that it cant rain all the time. I have taken my life back and it is up to me now to make the best of it. I will never trust a person with my heart or life ever again. |
sounds better!
but i hope you ll be able to trust again, but not the way you did till now.
i hope you are ok. dont let anyone to treat you as a piece of cloth, never, you have only one life to live.
stay cool!
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| 98. |
22 Oct 2007 Mon 08:05 pm |
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Thanks for the support guys. I have written a letter to him and i am just waiting for a translation and that will be the end of a very sad chapter in my life and the beginning of all good things to come as i will be in control of my life. 
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| 99. |
22 Oct 2007 Mon 11:57 pm |
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Quoting Bathory: Thanks for the support guys. I have written a letter to him and i am just waiting for a translation and that will be the end of a very sad chapter in my life and the beginning of all good things to come as i will be in control of my life. |
good decision)))I wish you a lot of strenght and light in your life>Remember life is a gift!do not waste it for sad,addictive relationship.U deserve the best life can bring,just believe in it.
good luck again,my fingers are crossed for you))))
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, Báthory Zsigmond were from a noble family, was the prince of Transylvania. The name comes from bátor, meaning courageous, brave. Fits you very well! 