Well, üzgünüm states more a ´passive state of mind´ of the person who says it ´he/she feels sad about something´, where as ´özür dilemek´ (to apologize, to beg one´s pardon´, also implies the action of the person who it is said to, as in forgiveness.

I personally would pick özür dilemek, because you want the other to say ´its allright, don´t worry´.

But thats my (non native) opinion

Ýyi geceler CW and CANLI.

 I never implied that

 I thought it was the other way around...

þapþal - salak - aptal - uyuz

the last one being the worst here. Not sure though

 And not even to think of the fact that it is NORMAL for a man to interfece with the woman´s relationship with another man. But the other way around apparantly it doesn´t count.

I agree that there are cases where arranged marriages can be very, very successfull. I know of people who were arranged for each other at the age they didnt even know their own names, and who now have a loving family, and have grown to love each other in the courses of their lives. But the idea of an arranged marriage itself and control of the family upon the marriages, is wrong in itself. That is different topic than those happy arranged marriages of the past. Society has changed, and in that change the chance of such an arranged marriage and/or excessive family involvement is not possible and will consequently result in problems.

 I think it is ´kan davasý´, but Im not sure about it.

Maybe you would know it b y the word vendetta..

A blood feud is an ongoing feud between different families or clans, it is a cycle of violence, where the relatives/clan members of a person that has been killed (for example in honour killing but also in any other case), or dishonoured or whatever, look for revenge by killing relatives of the culprit or themselves.

So basically if a member of family A kills a member of family B, a member of family B will seek vengeance by killing a member from family A, where family A again reacts in murdering another familymember of family B. So it is an ongoing fight between two distinct groups (families,clans) with bloodshed that doesnt seem to come to an end.

I think vendetta is also used in English, but can also be used for any kind of continuous fight between 2 families, also if it doesnt include bloodshed.

 I can´t answer this question, but I do know about in Turkey´s attempt to enter EU, they changed an article in the criminal law codes. There used to be a notion of punishment decrease in case of ´extreme provocation´, whereas there was a tougher punishment when it was about murder in the framework of a blood feud. Honourkillings in this view, are seperated from bloodfeud, because bloodfeuds are far more devastating for the community at a whole, and apparantly honourkillings where seen as ´so inside the culture´, that apparantly a woman´s behaviour could be seen as an extreme provocation...

Luckily these codes have been changed! I dont know what protection there is, but there is no longer a law code that prohibits the court from punishing what the murderer really deserves.

To mind comes a lecture at university I had about 2 weeks ago about honour killings and the concepts of namus and þeref.

The lecture was aimed at giving us an insight on how some cultural matters work, and to make us understand them, without having understanding on the concept itself (maybe a Dutch speaker can help me out explaning: begrijpen zonder begrip te hoeven hebben).

First, generally anthropologists divide three concepts:

1. Honour killings (physical ´dirt´ on the woman that cannot be cleaned in any other way)

2. Honour related violence (any kind of violence that is related to the concept of personal honour)

3. Blood feud (an honour killing can result in a blood feud)

Concepts that are important throughout most of the Islamic world, are namus and þeref. They both mean ´honour´, but the concept is more complex than that to explain, as there is no real counterpart in ´our´ language. Things as namus and þeref are more important in the community than anything else. Status is not relevant as long as you dont have your personal honour, personal selfrespect.

The man´s þeref, is closely linked to the namus-ness of his wife, or any other female family member. The man is supposed to protect (and control) the females of a household, his manly honour and personal integrity have to do with that. You have to be a man and respond to what violence has been done towards you, whether it be defending those who are ´depending on your protection´ or protecting your possessions and your flock. It has to do with an intern idea of cultural values that are part of your self-image, extern as in how other people judge you according to it, and something in between: your behavior.

When the namus-ness of a woman is stained, for example because of having an affair, people will talk about this in the community. The þeref of the husband in that case, will be discredited as well: he has not been able in his manlihood to protect his wife (in case of rape) or to control his wife (in case of adultery). It would seem likely to punish the man with whom the woman had (forced or not) sex with. But.. that could result in a blood feud. This is why generally the woman is the victim of an honourkilling, eventhough she is often not seen as the ´criminal´. But it is a social way of getting rid of the stain, without causing a blood feud.

Many people confuse this horrible practice with Islamic law. Honourkillings are not allowed in the framework of Islamic law. Apart from that, it is hard to proove such a thing as adultery really happened anyway: the female has to confess, be pregnant or there have to be 4 male witnesses at that time who did not have the intention to witness such a thing.  But even if proof has been provided, a murder is not allowed within the Islamic law. This is generally a subculture in which local practices play a more important role than religion. It is a concept that is known throughout the whole levant, but one of the reasons that honourkillings occur in TR and not in Marocco, is the difference in community: the maroccan community has the concept of ´bint al-nas´, a daughter of a good family. In case people behave ´unappropriate´, both the girl and the boy are being neglected, thrown out of the family, become outcasts. Nobody wants to have to do something with them and the ´problem´ is solved. In Turkey, where the social cohesion is much stronger (for example more cousin-marriages there than in maghrib), the social control is stronger as well, and so is the gossip and the chance of a mans þeref being stained.. It explains why many honourkillings are extremely brutal, and why the murderes generally do not feel ashamed or wrong: their cultural framework of social cohesion and control in combination with the male þeref, brings them to the belief this is what must be done. Generally younger male family members are chosen because the punishment will be given under youth-law and they are of less economic significance. The ´suicide honourkilling´ where a woman is forced into killing herself, is simply an ´integration´ into the western law-system.

I know the article wasnt related to honourkillings really, it just came to my mind, as I found the lecture interesting. But lets hope these mentality ideas change ´bir an önce´. Because though honourkillings are as ´strange´ to us ´foreigners´ as they are to the educated people of the bigger cities of Turkey, domestic violence is something, that I see within the same framework, and that still occurs at large, whether it be educated or not, whether it be in big cities or villages. It is simple another branch of a tree that I think needs to be burnt.