When we split up again I threw away everything that belonged to you. I didn´t want to live through the same things again. If you do the same things, and hold on to old possessions, you are holding on to your connection to the person; whatever I had I deleted it and threw it out. Life is like a boomerang, but you have the right to choose. I did lots of things like this. I saw old photos of you that had somehow got into a file called Space in the films folder ... the flowers you bought, comic moments, romantic moments, hurt moments etc, they were all there ... I can´t tell you how cross I was with you ... and you deserved it. As I started this I wanted to wipe it out from my mind because "Cenan is not like she used to be, she has changed" but this is a huge lie beause you are this.

The visit

Did you like the flowers? Mum

To you from your son, the ones you like the best

Do you see how I am living?

While you are resting in peace ,

I loved someone, you know that mum,

One who gave me shade from the fierce heart

Who opened her arms to me when I was cold

Who shed light on my dark path,

You know, it was just like you told me, mum

I listened to my heart, and followed it always

I can´t find a way out any more, you know that mum,

What is left?, of patience, of hope

Your love is like a seal on my heart mum

On the rusty railings of the window of my heart.

It is a huge ocean I keep hidden within me

With its giant waves it sweeps me towards eternity.

I told my father this too, at his gravestone,

Just like I am telling you mum.

I just wanted to be happy, to be with her

Let me come to where you are, mum

Maybe that will be my last happiness....

 I wont go on and on, baby, or I will never finish this letter. Like I said it would be better if we could speak more face to face here my love. And I see your turkish is slowly getting better. I will help you baby don´t worry. I want to always be by your side. I love you very much and I want to be with you.

 And we could sell this to foreigners, because there is a huge demand and the housing market has fallen a lot at the moment. It is the time to buy. And as long as Efes and Meryemana are near Selçuk tourists will keep coming and house prices will never fall and this will create capital for us in the future. In the future it will be very hard to buy a house in Selçuk and expensive, of course. Now is the right time to invest as the market is depressed and house prices have come down, but it won´t always be this way and the market will slowly come to life and house prices will go up and we will think why didn´t we buy a house and we will be sorry. Because this happened to my friends. There was a house and a plot of land in the village of Þirince and my friend didnt buy it. He said what would I do living in that village, but today everyone wants a house there and it is almost impossible because house prices have gone up ten-fold and now that friend of mine is kicking himself.

 In my mind a cafe and a travel agency is a good idea, but opening a carpet shop in Turkey is much harder. It needs a lot of capital, and there are already enough carpet shops in Turkey, but we could do something else. For example a travel agency is a good idea and we could run tours to Eastern Turkey because very few travel agencies do this and a cafe is also a good choice because it doesnt need a lot of capital and it creates a good cashflow. and Java Cafe could work out, I am still of the same mind, becasue I am not against you it is just my love that to make this work we need to learn the ropes really well. there is this other idea of mine too baby. You could teach in Istanbul and I could live in Selçuk and if you like I could buy an old house in Selçuk and restore it.

 I realy want to live with you and be together. I love you very much, becuase you are very courageous and smart. I could live anywhere with you. Becuase for the first time in my life I feel in love with someone We can do something together in Turkey or somewhere else. But with you. Why not, because those who do it are not any superior or smarter than we are. We are both free, independent, young, and healthy and we must be very very thankful for this. First we must be content with whatever we have. Then when we have more tomorrow we will be content with that too.

 I wanted to leave Turkey before, because I wan´t earning enough money and I wasn´t happy, but of course it is nice living here. There is no place like home, right? And I explained something to you last time, I hope you understood it. I understand that you are not happy there, that you are now bored of teaching although you are earning enough money, but happiness and health are of course more important than anything else. Everyone wants to be self employed, but lets take it slowly, my love.

 Because these things can´t be done over the internet, my love. This job is important, and it takes time, because it is Wrong, Crazy and Risky to suddenly invest 200.000$ into a workplace. You know that it is not easy to earn this much money. Especially not at the moment. It really isn´t easily earned Baby. So you have to behave bearing this in mind. You have to think well and be patient.

As we spoke, your staying in china one more year will gain us time. And I am sure that until then we will receive new proposals and new things. sultanahmet is a good area but at the very leats you have to live there a bit and learn about the market. It is essential to get some experience. Of course it would be illogical to try to do a job we know nothing about. Isn´t it? We have to be patient, and take things slowly.

 The key bit you missed was "benimle": with me

My love, do you want to live in Turkey with me?

 ????????????? I have NEVER seen this! But I dont have the Hitit book to check it