| 1044. |
02 Mar 2006 Thu 05:47 pm |
|
Quoting mltm: There will come no end to these parts, I think 
And I think it'd be better if you lastly posted all of them in one post, therefore we could see whether altogether they sound well. |
as you wish  ...
april.. yeah.. april 05 was when it all started i think...
i went to turkey for two weeks and thats when i become intrigued by what has now become, my everything..
before this time, i had judged him wrongly.. in fact, before i even knew him... shame on me!!
anyway, in april, the few times that we did speak really meant a lot to me.. at first it was just a timid "hi" and then developed to a smile.. and a wink here and there... and thats when i realised: this guy is different.. everytime he looked at me i had a strange feeling come over me.. one may describe it as the sensation of having "butterflies in your stomach".. who knows?.. but as my feelings began to develop i was sure that this was it.. i had found the person i had been looking for..
and then yes, the summer.. and as a lot of my friends know, i had a great time hehe..the first time we saw each other i said hi.. and he said.. well.. nothing.. :S he now says that its due to being "shy" but i cant say at all that he is shy!! hehe.
anyway, we started to go places together.. the town, the beach, parks etc. and as you can imagine considering that my turkish was not what i could describe as "excellent" at this point in time, the conversation was not exactly lively.. but we had something.. some kind of connection.. and i believe that when it comes down to a smile, or just a look, a language is not important.. i was discovering a brand new turkey which i had never seen before, everything seemed to be so different when i could experience it with someone special..
then, things progressed again and we were finally spending everyday with each other... i was going places where i had never been at the same time as feeling happier than i had ever been... i ended up doing basically everything a person can do whilst being on holiday.. from going to the cinema, the beach, restaurants and we even climbed a mountain!! hehe aaah the countless nights we spent together laying on the roof looking at the millions of stars above us... watching them vibrantly glow and shoot accross the sky...probably the most romantic setting ever!! hehe.. this is what i call love people.. being able to spend time like this with a person who means everything to you..!! what more could someone want in life?? and then what could be more perfect.. he proposed to me.. hehe... how sweet.. of course i agreed... at first though, i did think i was getting myself into something really serious at an age which was way to young.. but then after a while those feelings soon disappeared and we were out shopping for "promise rings" and i basically moved in with my "new family" hehe...
and of course, yeah, there were problems.. there always are in life.. the amount of things i could tell you about this "problem".. some of them are even funny, well.. in a way.. but lets just cut a long story short and use the film title: monster-in-law to express what im trying to say.. hehe...
of course, the next problem is the worst... the fact that i was only in turkey for 2 months.. and as the saying goes, "times flies when you are having fun".. we soon found ourselves counting the few days which we had left together... and at some points i felt as though we were just counting.. and that nothing was going to happen when there were no days left.. i felt as though we were going to be together forever.. after being with a person almost 24/7 i became so attached to his presence.. on the rare occurence of me sitting the opposite side of the room to him... i missed him!! god! what does love do to a person.. ...
**************************************************
anyway, the dreaded morning had arrived... 2 september 2005.. i had to leave him... that morning i woke around 4am.. unable to sleep.. all the days we had been counting had finally come to an end and i think this was the point when i realised what was actually happenning.. it had just hit me.. the whole morning i cried.. for hours and hours on end... my eyes swelled up... i had no power over what was happening and i hated it.. the last thing i wanted was to leave the person who i love... but.. it happened... the drive to the airport was terrible.. all we could do was just sit on the back seat of the car and try to make the most of the last hour or so we had together.. i was finally sick of crying.. and by now.. my make up was getting messed up so i really couldnt be doing with any of it.. YEAH WHATEVER!! that couldnt even stop me.. just looking in his eyes for what would be one of the last times, killed me.. and look.. even now my eyes have filled up.. 
then we are at the airport.. yeah, it really did happen that fast.. one minute im on my way to turkey, the next minute im planning to get married and then im going again..!! anyway where was i.. ha...at the airport... the last few moments were the hardest of all.. when i had to let go of his hands, look at him face to face for tha last time and walk through the security; on my own, again.. of course, i looked back and what else could i do.? i waved to him..? there was a force inside me, trying to guide me back to him.. i only had to walk a few steps actually but i knew that if i gave in like that, i wouldnt be able to step foot on that plane.. that would have been it.. maybe it would have been better..? maybe its not my fault, but i feel so guilty for just going like that.. its the worst thing that someone could ever do.. and now, for what i did, im living the consequences which are painful.. very very painful.. each day the desire to again be with him plays with my mind.. lingers in the air of wherever i go..
i was so happy when i was with apo.. and now.. im waiting, patiently, for the day when we are together again...
|
|
