İ agree with CANLİ.Man should be MAN in situation like this (in age close to 30 when i think is the right time for creating a family and live his own, adult life).Maybe just this guy is not right one - as it is to hard to make his own decissions and be in charge about his and other persons life.İt is much easier to give up and put the blame on something or someone else.Wanting is in 1st place and the rest is just obstacles with what he should fight.İf love is REAL-- only thing what can stop lovers is rejecting from beloved.İf woman is ready to sacrifise all her life and leave everything behind in the name of love (even more - she feels guilty about spliting family,but her beloved didnt say anything about her family and their reactions), he should do the same.İ am so sorry again that life is not always giving everything so easy.But maybe it is better, who knows...i wish the best and still believe that everyhting what happens is just next step forward to something much better...

i agree with both sides.... from the modern perspective, of course it is for the couples to decide whether they should get married or not, and not for the parents to choose...

however, some of turkish people are still VERYYYYYYYYYYYY TRADITIONAL. it´s not something that you can easily change. it´s this contradiction between the modern and tradition that, i think, confuses the situation. a lot of young turkish people are willing to explore the modern way of approaching marriage or relationship. but there are still some turkish people who have a hard time letting go of the values that their parents taught them.... like getting their parents approval of marriage...

i remembered a story here, not so sure if i still remember it right. but there was a family with a daughter, who was more open to modern living, liking having sexual intercourse even before marriage. but when the father found out, he killed her daughter for this, and his brothers were told to dispose of her body somewhere.

see how difficult it is? although there are loads of turkish people who are open to modernization, family and tradition is still holding them back, and we, who are foreigners to their tradition, might not know what this families are capable of doing to their children, if they didn´t OBEY and follow the values in which they have been brought up.

it´s easy for us foreigners to judge what is right and wrong, according to our own perspectives and beliefs, but it doesn´t necessarily apply to all.

İ didnt think such question would be needed to ask,for the answer is very much obvious

The fairy tale that,prince charming will come over his white hourse and take the girl away and live happily ever after has proven by time its just a fairy tale.

That version of ´what marriage got to do with family,im the one who is going to marry not them ´ became even an old one at the West

People there found out that,after they got married to the one they want,they STİLL want to have their families,even when they were young and immature,thinking that,´we dont need them any more,we can make it alone by ourselves´ they found out even they can make it,STİLL they need their families

İ dont believe i need to say why !

So yes,my parents will not live with my husband but i will.....but STİLL,i want to live with my husband between my family and his,accepted and loved

So actually,not everything traditional is bad,not because its tradition,that we must stand against it.

We should know better,we dont need to start from where they started at the west,they  have problems there,and many,we can be more smarter and start where they have ended

Again,not everything happen you blame it on traditions,traditions not all bad,and also not all good,but saying you are trying to get rid of traditions,you will only have yourself to balme !

İn the West,the ones who gave up ALL their traditions good/and bad claiming that its an old thing ,they try to maintain them again,and its not easy,if its impossible to do in whole society

That man is just a weak man,cant make his choices,nor decision,and that has nothing to do with traditions,he only uses it as an excuse,something to blame !

We have same traditions here,but as i said normally it be the girl´s problem not men,i mean in some cases parents dont approve,and girl struggle to have their approvals,not the other way arround!

İ saw 4 close examples,2 happned 30 yrs ago,and 2 happend 10 yrs ago,i can say parents were right %50...and the men were MEAN,and the other 2 were good than they can ever be

STİLL,it wasnt easy,and i never said its easy to have all what you want,those girls struggle to do what they want,to marry those men,and at same time have their parents approvals,in those 4 cases,some manage to have it before marriage,and even parents were happy about it,some manage to have it before marriage and parents were NOT happy about it,some didnt have it,and manage to have parents forgivness after marriage.

İn 4 cases,parents support those girls after marriage,as any family do,in good and in bad,and even when that bad was the choice those girls made,parents also support them

Because that is what families do...stick together

Actually,if you want,you can pay the effort,and make the desicion you want and also have parents approval...it has nothing to do with cultural,its all about personality !

But to blame it over traditions.....that is just an excuse .

PS: You is generally speaking

to JUSTİNETİME.İ agree with you also.But from this point i think also turkish guys who knows their families pretty well should think before get involved in relations without saying what kind of dificulties they can face.İ mean there is no secret that all these interenet relations sooner or later will end in a one or other way and before to start them,it would be great to think what they can do with other person lives (in this case those women who is going to Turkey blinded with empty promises and after suffering because of dumping with some excuses).it is not fair anyway.so before jumping in to foreigner bed they should think at first what they really want and what they are doing.

Of course we dont have right to judge just share opinion.And of course we should respect also other culture and traditions (i really do, just try to see diferent angles too).By the way - i think some time ago i heard that in some traditional williages women who has been raped need to get marry with guilty person...İs this true?

It really doesn´t matter whether you agree with my post or not, Canli.  It was directed towards Mary and it was encouraging her to move on.  But like everything else here, it has to be a debate on who is right or who is wrong. 

 What do you mean by guilty person?

You mean the one who raped them ?!!

 yes.İ heard this from one turkish guy who shared traditions in seminar...

I totally agree handsom.

i´m not fully familiar with turkish traditions... sorry

 İ dont know about the raping thing...

But i know,if they find out about relationship between girl and a man,then they force him to marry her.

But rapping ?!!!!!!!!!

 yeah... this sounded for me also the most scary thing for a women that´s why i want to know is it true or not.