I must say littlebit of myself,Im 40 years old man  and have seen everything in my life.

very bad things and good times. I have 2 children boy 5 years and girl 13 years. Im in marriage now but I dont know what to do because im in loved in turkish lady!

Does your wife know?Is she okay with it?Im sorryto tell you this but dont you feel sorry for your wife?And your children you have a 13 year old daughter dontyou think shell ahte you for hurting her mother?I know , im as old as her and im sorry but if my dad did that i wouldnt really look up to him, or admire him,actually hell make me nevere want to get married and hate men and always be scared taht smthg like that would happen to me. BUT, its your choice, choose yourself or your family,but if you really love her.......i really cant say anything to big of a topic

IM very sorry,but this is only life. i HAVE BEEN 15 YEARS WIT HER AND SHE IS VERY GOD WIFE AND MOTHER! Sorry! But this is only life! Things somethimes going different than you  have those things in your mind! I have been marriage 15 years!

so because you married her for 15 yrs she s old news and you have to move on? So??If she isa  good wife and mother so i leave her because ive been "MARRIED FOR 15 YRS?" And afetr another 15 yrs will you get tired from your turkish lady? That really is no excuse and yes this is life and you made a choice to marry this women, and to stay with her, not to leave her so easily, because this is life we have to keep thing sfresh,out with the old and in with the new?really im spaeking here as your daughter, since i am as old her, this is whats probably going on in her mind. I guess youre right, some people choose to selfish in life, and some people take the consequences of their actions and choices, but please dont be amd at me, this is only an opinion, pkease dont forget about your kids, your wife see what they think?!?!How this will affect them? anyway like is aid this si obly an opinion and im sure many others will tell you different things, but in the end its between you and your concious.

Yes you are right! But if the systems is going wrong for years,I think Its better get divorce than try and try!

Doudi, I feel like embarassing you  more and say that you are TOO WISE for your age!!! Are all Egyptian women as mature and reasonable as the ones we have on this site!?

JKK, I think that if you are unhappy in your marriage and you tried to solve the problem, but couldn´t, then it´s fair to get a divorce and move on. It would be very unfair to cheat on your wife behind her back. But if you lost your feelings for her, I think she might not be happy in such a relationship anyway. Just be fair to her and don´t do anything behind her back, like I´m sure you wouldn´t want her to do anything behind YOUR back either!

HAHAHA if u knew me in real life you would never say that!me and wise wouldnever go in the same sentence (unless it was negative) but i do feel like ir eally matured this summer! Or maybe these situations never happen in real life so i never get a chance to be wise !!! this is such an honor for me! im gonna bookmarka this and show it to my friends , im sure theyll cahnge theirr opinions !!! but you are right shell probably not be hapy with him anyway so its better for the both of them,the problem is that hes  aguy,marriage is kinda easy, but she a lady!!and its probably ahrder to gat married agin at her age (especiually that she has children!!)anyway i dont think shell be looking for a rlationship for a long time!!

Hehehehehe, well, I am sure you´re a bright woman Doudi! And the fact that you can think so maturely is just amazing for your age! Or maybe I matured too late myself and I´m so amazed at other people!

Well.... I´m not sure where they are from (JKK I mean), but staying in a marriage out of pity for his wife that she wouldn´t be able to find another marriage is wrong and condescending. I think that people - men and women - should divorce when they are not happy and it should force the society to change, so that men and women finally have equal opportunities in the society. And the laws have to ensure that the man supports his children financially if he is not the primary care provider.

I think many women FEAR to be without a husband and FEAR to look for their own happiness, and our societies DO NOT help them to learn a healthier more self-esteemed way of living. BUT we, women, have to take life on and grow up and face the challenges. The society has to change, but also our own mentality has to change.

You mention the childrens,yeah,here in finland its very stupid system. If the woman says that the man using too much alcohol or even smokes,you cant see your chrilrens!! Today was one case in the newspaper!

But, I never said that my wife does not nows this system. She nows it all! Im not cheating her,never!!

Well, I think in this case it is fair to get a divorce. I wish you and your family luck!

Thank you very much!

If you are 40 years old, you should grow up! Do you think marriage is one long honeymoon? All marriages have good times and bad times. You have to work on it every day. Appreciate the good times and work on the bad times.

Now you say you are in love with a Turkish lady, so when you get tired of her, what are you going to do, "Fall" in love again? I´m sorry, but you sound like you are going through male menopause looking for the "thrill" of love instead of working on what you already have.

You have two children too. Divorce is a horrible thing to put children through. I would recommend you do everything possible to save your marriage.

Learn to be in love instead of "falling in love".

Wow, Alameda! Your post is pretty judgmental!!! Not very kind of you at all!!!!

Really, you are treating him like a child! Your tone is definitely inappropriate, even if you have a tinge of good advice.

Can I ask,how old are you? Can you say to me how I or people shoud do these things. Can you really????

Life is too short to stay in a marriage that´s not working. As far as your kids, yes it will be hard but kids are amazing they do adjust.  I would never recommend to get divorced to anyone, because I do think it´s the easy way out.  But if you have tried and tried and your not in love with that person anymore, it sounds like you may want to move on.  But the worst thing you could do, is leave your wife for another women.  You need to leave her for yourself and yourself only.

Every relationship goes through their honeymoon period and your love for this Turkish girl is the excitement your probably not getting from home being married 15 years.  So just remember this excitement usually dwindles with every relationship.

Good luck with your decision.

 Talk about being harsh and unkind..

I Know. I have tried so many years! And now I found woman of my LIFE!

Like Dylan said Its better to burn out than faideaway!!!!

 I agree with this.  I don´t think men are as strong as women. They seem to need someone to move on to before leaving a relationship.  My friend calls them pram hoppers.

Has nothing to do with strength, it´s pure convenience.

JKK, if you feel you have tried to make your marriage work and all to no avail, staying with your wife only for the sake of children is a bad choice. Your wife deserves respect and your being honest with her. If i learnt that my husband is with me only because of children, it would be worse to bear than learning he wants to divorce me. People change and 15 years is a long time, it does happen that two people do not progrress at the same pace and, in effect, they can´t keep up with each other. That´s life.

Good luck

 Doudi - you amaze me!

 IYO    

 Many women (and men) stay in unhappy marriages because they don´t have the self belief/strength of mind/confidence to make a new life for themselves alone.  IMO, although still a difficult decision for many, leaving a marriage for another partner is an easier option/better incentive, although I don´t think the majority of people deliberately stay in an unhappy marriage until someone better comes along.

Of course I do believe it needs a great deal of work , from both parties, to make their marriage work and I´m not advocating people walk away at the first sign of trouble - generally speaking that is, because there are always some incidents that should never be tolerated within a marriage.

There are so many scenarios, but in JKK´s case, I wonder if he realised his marriage was unhappy before or after he met the Turkish lady.  Perhaps he went looking for someone else because he was unhappy. Perhaps, in the first place, he escaped onto the internet in order to blank out his unhappiness.  I think there are many who enter into flirtatious liaison´s with people on the net, via chatrooms and even sites like this one.  This may seem harmless enough in itself, but this escapism doesn´t encourage dialogue between the married couple (where mutual decisions, in whatever direction, can be made).  I don´t remember how JKK met his Turkish lady btw.

Human nature is so diverse and unpredictable.

Yes, it does sound that way. When one in a marriage things have a tendency to get hum drum. Meeting a thrilling new person can easily spark feelings of being "in love". The spouse can seem dowdy and dull in comparison. It´s easy to feel the new found love is "IT". However, most everything looses it´s sparkle after being confronted with daily life after time.


I think marriage is sacred and should not be dissolved easily. Certainly after having children and such a long time and at the time of live he is writing about, it looks suspicious. It is a well documented fact that around that age men often try to recapture their youth with a new model. It´s called the "mid-age crisis". Of course, this type of behavior is not limited to men.

Although you can get divorced, once you have children, you never really are divorced from the other parent. You are bound to them forever, like it or not. You will see so much of the other parent in your children.

Of course, there are times divorce is recommended, but I think these days it is resorted to much too quickly. What is to say in a few years he won´t fall in love with another newer model?

What does love mean? It sounds like what he is writing about here is that sort of teenage love. Being in a marriage for a long time (which is what one is supposed to do) demands constant work. It is one of the most difficult things to be a success at.

I know more than a few couples who have been together for a long time. In talking with them, they report that there were times they wanted to, or almost gave up, but they worked on their relationship instead of giving up and starting over. Most the times we bring the same baggage with us and end up in the same place when hitting the same road blocks.

I would not have written what I did had he not written what he did.

"I must say littlebit of myself,Im 40 years old man and have seen everything in my life.

very bad things and good times. I have 2 children boy 5 years and girl 13 years. Im in marriage now but I dont know what to do because im in loved in turkish lady!"

As well as mid life crises suffered by many men and women, there is also the "7 year itch" which can affect either spouse.  Seems JKK has a 15 year itch.

How do you know??? You haven´t cheated yet right? So you say? How do you know you are in love with her, how much time have you spent? Even married people are attracted to others, its not acting on it that makes you loyal, do you think your wife has never been attracted to another man, or another man to her???

Your talking divorce because of another woman. Not the other way around. Everyone gets sick of one another at times, and its completely normal to picture yourself in another life, but to assume this is the "woman of your LIFE". Thats sort of jumping the gun.

Get a divorce first, then decide that. It´s selfish to decide that while still in a marriage. I hope your wife finds the "man of her LIFE" very soon!

Why is everyone giving this guy a hard time? 

I think JKK is very brave to write this story on here and I for one hope he finds the answers.

A hard time? How so? He´s asking for advice, mine is divorce first then be with the woman? How is that giving someone a hard time? If yours is different then that post it. I don´t see how that is being mean at all. If you would rather hear your husband is in love with someone else so he wants to leave you rather then he wants to move on because things aren´t working out you are entitled to to feel that way.

I don´t see how urging someone not to cheat is giving someone a hard time?

Ironically, of all resources why have you chosen TLC for feedback and advise?

 

Quoting Roswitha

Ironically, of all resources why have you chosen TLC for feedback and advise?

 

 

 It´s because he heard were women and we love to give advise.

I just came across this post, and when I read your comment and how old you were, I was so proud of your wisdom and insight!!!

I know others have complimented you already, but I wanted to also!!!

.........