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Nice stories (or wisdom quotes)
(69 Messages in 7 pages - View all)
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1.       lemon
1374 posts
 11 May 2010 Tue 10:53 am

There was a king. He had four wives.

The fourth he loved more than any others. He gave her anything she wanted. Best clothes, best perfumes.

 

He also loved the third. He was proud of her. He showed her to the guests, but feared that one day she will go with one of them.

 

The second wife he loved and trusted. She was always there ready to consult the issues of business.

 

The first wife loved him faithfully. Together with her he built his kingdom. However, he didnt love her much. She was not cared and looked after.

 

One day the king fell ill. On the death bed he called for his wives.

He asked his fourth wife if she would come with him when he dies. Her answer: "You must be joking!". She broke his heart.

 

Third wife: "Sorry, I will have to carry on. When you die I will marry again".

 

Second wife: "I regret to say I wont come, but I promise I give you a big funeral".

 

First wife: "I will come with you. I will be with you wherever you go"

 

The king looked at her and felt shamed. She looked tired, ill, exhausted. He cried bitterly.

 

The morale. Everyone of us have four wives.

 

Fourth wife is your body, it will leave you immediately after you die.

Third wife is your wealth, it will go to someone else.

Second is your family, it will give you a funeral.

First is your soul, will go with you.

 

 

 

 

kazpol liked this message
2.       lemon
1374 posts
 11 May 2010 Tue 11:30 am

There was a Jew. All he had was a herd of donkeys. When he was dying he wanted to share his wealth between his three sons. He deicded that half of donkeys will go to first son. Quarter of them will go to the second son. and one sixth will to the last. and if anything left should be given to God.

After his death the sons tried to divide 11 donkeys.

1) 11:2=5.5 Impossible!

2) 11:4=2.75 Ridiculous!

3) 11:6=1.83 Almost two donkeys

4) and 0.92 to God.

 

After a long arguemnt brothers decided to go to Rabbi. He had a solution. He said: go and take my fat donkey that is I dont care for at all. If you think you dont need it anymore send it back.

 

1) 12:2=6 Fantastic!

2) 12:4=3 Fair

3) 12:6=2 two whole donkeys.

 

6+3+2= 11 Just like at the beginning.

 

They sent rabbi´s doneky back to rabbi.

 

The morales? God´s grace work like that donkey. Unexpected solution, free and surprising, not the way we want, not the way we make up. Its like rabbi´s donkey comes and goes like a wind between the doors. At the same time unites quarreled brothers.

 

 

kazpol liked this message
3.       lemon
1374 posts
 11 May 2010 Tue 12:09 pm

King was needing a guard for his tower. His advert was saying this: A brave man who will protect my tower in my absence throughout the winter will receive a big reward.

 

A young brave man took the challenge and became a guard. King told him that no one was allowed into the tower.

 

Days passed, long and boring. Passers-by appearing on the horizon and disappepearing. Some knocked on the gates. The guard didnt let anyone in. He thought this was easy. The reward he surely will receive.

 

One day he heard a scratching and a voice begging: please, let me in! The guard answered: no man is allowed into here. The voice under the gate said: but Im no man, Im a little lizard. please, let me in, you dont have to open the gates, all I need is a little space to sneak in, and I will stay only for 10 minutes.

 

He let the lizard in. They had a nice chat. After ten minutes the guard said: are you alreday leaving now? - Yes, the lizzard answered. I have to go, I will come tomorrow.

Next day, she came for 15 mins. Again a nice pleasant chat. After she left he was missing her.

Third day she came for half an hour. An interesting disccusion they had. She had to go. It was winter it was cold. And the lizard begged the gurad if he would let her stay a night. He agreed.

 

He had nightmares, when he woke up early in the morning he saw the lizzard grew into a big creature. He wanted to kill it, but he realized he left his armoury next to the fire where the lizzard was sleeping. The lizzard woke up too and attacked the guard. He ran towards the gates and off he shut off wide open gates where bumped into the king.

King asked: what are you doing? Why the gates are open? Is it how you guard my tower?

The guard answered: Theres a monster in the tower!

King was a big strong man who took the sword and kiiled the monstrous creature. Then he gave orders to his servants to clean up. Turned to the guard and said: as for you, you lost your reward.

End of story!{#emotions_dlg.super_cool}

 

 

4.       lemon
1374 posts
 12 May 2010 Wed 09:53 am

A small town rich Jew was saying:

 

From time to time I visit my doctor

Doctor must carry on

Then I go to my Pharmacist

Pharmacist must carry on

Then I pour the medicine down sewage

I too must carry on!

5.       lemon
1374 posts
 12 May 2010 Wed 10:02 am

A cat of one Guru

 

Every evening when a Guru had a ritual service his cat was around there disturbing the service, so he decided to tie him up just for the time of service.

Long time after guru´s death the cat was still tied up during the service. The cat died, they brought another and continued to do so.

Centuries later the disciples wrote books about the importance of cat for the service being held properly.

6.       lemon
1374 posts
 12 May 2010 Wed 10:19 am

Good luck or bad luck?

 

A poor Chinese farmer was plowing his farm using his old horse. One day that horse ran away. When his neighbour was expressing his compassion the farmer said: bad luck or good luck, who knows?

A week later the oldie was back together with bunch of wild horses. The neighbour rushed to congratulate. The farmer says: good luck or bad luck who knows?

Then his son tried to tame and mount on a wild horse and fell off  and broke his leg.

Everyone thought it was a bad luck. To which he responded again: bad or good who knows?

A few weeks later soldiers visited the village to collect young men for the army. His son was no good for this. good or bad luck? {#emotions_dlg.super_cool}

7.       lemon
1374 posts
 12 May 2010 Wed 04:31 pm

4th dimension is an eternity or is a part of eternity. in eternity you experience past present and future at the same time. in eternity you are not limited by time, space and matter. and this thing doesnt happen in this life.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDaKzQNlMFw

8.       lemon
1374 posts
 17 May 2010 Mon 06:47 pm

Russian airplane hijacked.

 

Monday. We hijacked the plane in Moscow. We demand milllions of dollars. Our destination is Mexico.

Tuesday. Waiting for the reaction of Russian government. We drink with pilots. Passengers sharing, now they joined pilots.

Wednesday. Mediator is here. We drink together. Mediator asks to free half of the passengers. We freed, why not?

Thursday. Passengers are back with more vodka. Drinking till the morning. We let another half of passengers and pilots.

Friday. They are back. They came with friends, partying till midday.

Saturday. Spetsnaz dropped in, more vodka, more party till Monday.

Monday. More people in: militia, firemen, even navy.

Tuesday. We have no strength. We want to give up. Spetsnaz disagrees. Families from Habarovsk with a visit to pilots.

Wednesday. We beg passengers to let us go. They agree under one condition: more vodka!

9.       lemon
1374 posts
 17 May 2010 Mon 07:20 pm

Kindergarten

A child asks a carer to help with wellies. with much effort the carer finally puts them on poor child´s feet (the wellies were one size smaller) she sits on a bench to breath in some air, when a child says: you put them on wrong way, left to right. She takes them off and puts the right way, again with all her strength. When she finished the child says: in fact these wellies arent mine. The carer is not happy but takes them off. Child continues: they belong to my younger brother, but mum says to put them on anyway. The carer is blue out of anger, after another hard attempt the welllies are on. She also helps the child to put her coat and hat on and asks: where are your gloves? The child: in my wellies.

kazpol liked this message
10.       lemon
1374 posts
 17 May 2010 Mon 10:50 pm

An Apple pie recipe (only for men)

 

1´ Take 10 eggs from the fridge, place 7 remaining eggs on the table, clean the floor, next time be careful!
2´ Take a big bowl and break eggs in to it, break eggs on the edge of a bowl.
3´ Clean the floor, please be more careful! We have 5 eggs in the bowl.
4´ Take a mixer and attach the wings and start whipping eggs.
5´ Attach the wings one more time but attach them to the end until you hear a click. Start whipping.
6´ Wash you face, hands and back. There are now 2 eggs in the bowl, exactly what we need for a pie.
7´ Cover the walls and ceilling with newspapers and the furniture with plastic bags. Now we start adding flour.
8´ Pour 200gr into a glass and collect the rest 800gr back into the container.
9´ Make sure the walls and the ceiling are covered properly, start mixing.
10´ Have a quick shower!
11´ Take 4 apples and a sharp knife.
12´ Go to the pharmacist and get a first aid kit. When you return start peeling the apples. Apply the first aid kit on your thumb!
13´ Chop apples into cubes, remember that we need 2 apples, therefore dont eat more than a half an apple! Treat all your fingers now with the aid kit.

14´ The only surviving apple chopped into pieces chuck into the bawl with a pastry, collect the rest from the floor and wash (dont eat them, put back into the bowl).

15´ Mix everything. wash the fridge!
16´ Pour the mixture into the baking tray, put into the oven.
17´ An hour later if theres still not result, turn the oven on.
18´ After you wake up dont call for a fire brigade, just open the windows and the oven.

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