I think askim is of Arabic origin

while sevgilim of Turkish origin

 

 

 Thank you for your help >> but  glue and ensnaring birds does not seem to match the context. unfortunately.  You may be right ... it may be colloquialism.

 

We´d rather wait for some native speaker.

 

Thanks anyway.

 

 

Türkçe öğrenebildiniz mi bari 5 yılda?

It´s a bit slow true. For my mum, it took more than 1 year (I think nearly two years) even after 30 years of living in Turkey, but I don´t know if the length of the process is directly linked to the length of your stay in Turkey. They check everything. You have to memorize the first two quatrains of the Turkish National Anthem. They ask you some simple questions to see if you speak turkish a bit. They make an unexpected visit to your home to see if you are really settled down and have a serious life in Turkey. It´s good that you have a child. It´s a good proof that your mariage is for real.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

That´s terrible!  He doesn´t live in Ohio does he?So what do you do...have them investigated before getting married? Go with your brain instead of your heart...don´t be as trusting.  Looking back were there any signs that you were blind to?  So many questions...Hopefully your child´s grandparents are much kinder than the son they raised..

 

 He is now a legal alien because of our child and does not have to leave the country. Ladies.. please be careful if you are involved with other men such as this. I thought he was pure and genuine, but later (after we were married, after we paid lots of money for his visa/green card, after he used my father as a sponsor in our country) I learned that he has had many girlfriends in Turkey and even put 1 girl in the hospital. This man was violent and has an outrageous temper. I have learned lots about Turkish culture. I loved my visit. I will evenutally go again with my child to meet his Turkish grandparents, but...ladies be fore warned in any country.. LEAVE YOUR HEART AT HOME!!!

The way I understood you, benefits of the family outrate benefits of individual. Right? So, it can be interpreted like: it doesn´t matter if you are happy in your marriage as long as you see to all the duties you agreed to, be it cooking or earning money.

 

I objected to your estimating the happiness of marriage by referring to the small number of divorces. We´ve already discussed that and i´m afraid we´ll have to agree to differ here, I still abide by the thought that "not getting a divorce doesn´t mean you´re happy."

 

 

Alameda, we´ve been through it so many times. What is there not to understand? After all arranged marriages are not unique to Muslim or Turkish traditions. I just don´t accept putting the benefit of a society over my own in this case.

Yes we have, and I spoke after the subject was brought up? It was your message # 82 in this thread that really went into it....I am just responding.

 

I believe society can function properly even if people make their own choices and mistakes.

I believe I mentioned family....not the whole society.....

 

 

The idea that western societies are only about love is not 100% true. For some it´s the same aliş-veriş like in the marriages you praise so much, the difference is that it´s the couple that make a choice not an older person (ie parents).

 

 

I have never suggested anyone should make a decision for the ones actually getting married.....and I did not praise such marriages.  I simply stated some facts some here seem to be unaware of.  Of course, there can be a suggestion...or several suggestions. The ultimate choice has to be the ones who are getting married.  I do know of marriages where the people didn´t even see each other until after they were married.  I do not think that´s a good idea at all.

 

Obviously people seem to feel they need help in choosing a life mate...as evidanced by all the sites to help people find mates.

 

And I´m sorry but why shouldn´t I express my opinion about a topic discussed? especialy if it´s something that I believe is more favourable to one gender and pushes the other into the position of submissivenes. Sure, generations will continue with husbands free to do what they please and wives waiting for them at home anyway, bringing up the children and having no means or social acceptance to stop abusive relationships. And on the outside it´ll look grand. If you´re ok with that - fine by me, it´s not my business whom, how and why you want to marry.

 

Of course you can express your opinion.....you couldn´t be stopped anyway.....

not that I would want to prevent you.  I actually find your posts fun......

 

 

I´d like to emphasise one more time that being in an arranged marriage doesn´t grant unhappiness. There are people who are really fulfilled (both men and women). At the same time, marrying out of love doesn´t grant happiness either.

 

Glad you clarified that....

 

What I simply wanted to draw attention to is the fact that arranged marriages are more likely ones in which women´s position is lower or, if you prefer, women are more prone to be abused.

 

Your analysis....based on what?

 

 

That depends on your definition of happiness. If you´re a man looking for a cook and mother of your children or a woman looking for somebody to provide for you, arranged marriages seem an option. Of course sometimes people learn to love their spouse but often it´s just a settlement. The fact that people don´t divorce doesn´t mean they´re happy, it just means they accept their marriage and the rules on which it functions. If your husband is cheating on you but you believe your mother telling you that´s the male nature and you should forgive him because you´re a woman and have to think about your children, you won´t divorce. Are you happy? Hmmm

 

 

the other post ab divorce: answer was that divorce is rare thing in Turkey.

so most of pre-arranged marriages are happy?

turkish people fall in love with spouse no matter in what way found?

it looks like it does not matter whom to marry, but just marry?