Excellent!!!

But there is a sizing method for men´s brains . . . that would make TheH a "B" then . . .

..

There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river.

Jim was a very religious man.

One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof.

While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him.

Jim says "No, that´s ok. God will take care of me."

So, the man in the boat drives off.

The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof.

At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in.

Jim replies, "No, that´s ok. God will take care of me."

The person in the boat then leaves.

The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney.

Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jim tells her "That´s ok."

The woman says "Are you sure?"

Jim says, "Yeah, I´m sure God will take care of me.

Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns.

Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God.

Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?"

God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

The Garden Of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They´re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they´re being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

Should be funny, but to me it is not. Russians are known for vodka, not necessarily poverty or apple.

It was not an apple Adam and Eve ate.

OK maybe you might find this funny??

***

The new minister´s wife had a baby.

The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.

The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.

When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.

Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.

Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, "Having children is an Act of God!"

An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are Acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them!"

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair
with a woman - almost."

The priest says, "What do you mean, ´almost´?"

The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."

The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You´re
not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary´s and put $50 in
the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks
over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to
leave.

The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I
saw that. You didn´t put any money in the poor box!"

The man replied, "Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was
the same as putting it in!

Inspired Texan!!

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We´re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive."The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, "God Save The Queen," and jumps.The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, "Viva La France," and he also jumps.This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, "Remember the Alamo," and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

You could never tell this joke if you were ACTUALLY IN TEXAS!! 

Dont be so sure!!!

I am adding ´crack "Inspired Texan!!" joke in front of Texas State Capitol building´  into my "list of things to do before I die"