Please post any problems or questions you may have regarding your personal life (especially affairs of the heart)

(Ooops! I can't spell my own name )

I broke the nail on my pinkie toe, will I still have a chance to get married to a charming, handsome prince who will come get me on a white horse?

Are you not responding because you don't want to tell me bad news?

I have a headache will a dudu cure me of it?

Alpha is making ZERO effort into this page
He will not be receiving his fee!

Sleeping now and waking up at 5 to go on studying, or going on and sleeping till 7?

No sleeping at all is no option, since I (thank god) ran out of (that awful) RedBull, and my Dodo is already on one ear..


Suppose not even Aenigma the Muneccimbaşı can answer this

Dear Auntie and Uncle
I am crashed(((((I do not know what to do in my case.Help please.I tried drinking Coke,finding indecent dudus ,sending them all money I earn,supplying them with computers,credit cards,buying diamonds and chocolate fingers,getting some free translation,committing suicide,learning belly dance,loosing weigh,etc...,etc...BUT IT DID not help as my heart belongs to Daddy.....

will I ever have a chance to get it back??????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnDRe66Fwfc

I'm not sure what Auntie-dote will say to this, but I'm afraid that if your heart belongs to daddy.... you're totally screwed.

Dear Auntie and uncle

the women in my office claim that turkish girls are the most beautiful girls in the world what answer should i give them?

Dear Auntie AEnigma,

I met a wonderful man while on my vacation in Turkey. He is so wonderful. He texts me 10 times a day and calls me every night. The problem is, he doesn't speak English. So although I know the texts and calls are from him, I can only listen and wonder....what is he saying? Can this relationship work? We do have lots of body language in common...if you know what I mean.

Thanks,
E.

Elisabeth dear,
Of course your relationship will work! The most important thing is sexual attraction - it will last a lifetime! The fact that you don't speak the same language simply means that you will never disagree on ANYTHING.

I would suggest marrying him immediately and bringing him to your country.

Seasons greetings
Auntie A.

Dear Auntie,
I have serious problem with one rose.It is said that this rose will never die but I have some doubts I keep watering it but its breath is still low....it's fading!!!I can't live longer like that caring about it all the time.Should I leave it and go to other planet .....
The little prince
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h61ffFRFmxw
Ps.Btw does anyone know why most of males there are obsessed with this song???

Dear Alpha,

I have this neighbor that insists that my relatives sneak over to his yard and throw water ballons at his home. Last night about 3am...he sent some of his family in MY yard and they blew up my shed....what should I do?

Thanks!
E.

why do people keep asking uncle omega?

Dear Aunti Aenigma, Uncle Alpha(beta,gamma,delta,epsilon,zeta,eta,theta,lota,kappa) offfff whatever your last name is .. I have a personal question. My dudu says to send him laptop, cell phone and sim card as well as various other electronics for christmas. He's muslim, I thought christmas was just a christian holiday. Do I send said "gifts"? I know you both in your infinite wisdom will know what to do.
signed,
dazed and cofused bed ameriken.

Dear Auntie and Uncle

i have a question. i am going to hometown for bayram..and i am sure that thousands of relatives will visit our house and each of them will ask same questions.like..'how much you earn? how is your gf? when are you getting married?..who cook for you bla bla bla'... is there any way to get rid of those boring questions? i started to dislike bayrams because of those stupid questions!! please help me!!!!!!

My name may have changed but I am still available for free advice, particularly regarding affairs of the heart

Tell me auntie,

Why does my boyfriend never buy me flowers?

He doesn´t buy you flowers because he knows, unlike his love for you, they will wither and die   He also realises that something so crass and typical would not impress a princess

It was very quick auntie, thank you. 

I hope it is as you say. However, there are high chances that he is just oafish.

 I am sorry for you mltm if he is indeed an oaf.  There is no cure for oafishness....mother always said once and oaf, always an oaf.  The good news is Auntie Aenigma is very good at playing matchmaker....perhaps she can find you a match!

For whatever reason, women fall for oafs, no?

Somewhere I had read that women marry "oafs" hoping that one day they can make them change.

 I think many people make that mistake!  Marrying someone in the hopes that they will change.....it even sounds like a recipe for disaster!    But why do we do it?  I think many of us are in love with the idea of being in love and not really with the person. 

Anyway, sorry to turn your thread serious  Auntie!    You were offline and I couldn´t resist!

dear Auntie

i am so desperate that i decided after long thinking to post my request for advice

you know i have been travelling with a politician who does not know any language,even sign one causes problems

bcs of it i have no chance to meet any dudu and study duduism,i feel i have backlogs and i wonder if i ever catch up with????

pls,do not leave me without answer!!!!!!!!!!!!

In Auntie Aenigma´s Post Bag this week, a sad letter from a classmate who, for reasons which will become obvious, would like to remain anonymous.

Dear Auntie Aenigma,

My life has fallen apart.  I was once King of the World.  I was popular with women, I caused a stir wherever I went, I was a God!  Then gradually my hair started falling out and I lost my powers and women started to drift away.  I now find myself on the fringe of TC society, skulking around in the shadows, appearing in chat occasionally and then disappearing into my dark world again.  I want it all back!  How can I become the man I used to be?

Yours sincerely,

Traumatised of TC

Dear Hairy Traumatised,

I think your problems really started when your hair started to fall out.  Remember Samson?  We all remember the fun nights sat around in the lounge taking it in turns to brush your hair, but those days are gone and can never return.

You could try doing the opposite of Elton John and get some hair taken from your head and grafted onto your chest? 

Yours sincerely,

Auntie Aenigma xxx

Dear Auntie,

I have this friend.  She went to _____________________ on vacation this summer.  Anyway, she fell in love with a ____________________.  At first it was great but now he is asking for ________________________.  Do you think I she should sent it? 

Thanks,

__________________________

Dear Girleegirl Elisabeth Anon,

This "friend" should feel blessed.  It is not often you can go on holiday to *(the place we shall call, hypothetically, "Turkia") and fall in love.  It is a rare thing and should be cherished.

Here is my 5 point plan for you.

• Make sure you learn HIS language.  It will make communication much easier and you might learn some useful words "askim", "seviyorum" and a few naughty words too.  He will probably not bother to learn your language, but that is fine.  It´s YOUR job.
• Send him whatever he asks for. 
• Persuade him to come to your country.  This will save him spending lots of money on phone credits sending numerous romantic texts before he feels he can approach the subject.  It is YOUR JOB (I cannot stress this enough) to obtain a visa and help him with all the necessary paperwork.
• If this idea is not an option, sell everything you have and send him the money to set up Osman´s Minimart grocery store.  He will make sure that the business is up and running so that you can join him at a later date, marry him and share the profits.  Don´t become concerned if he keeps delaying your visit - he is a busy man and you must understand that.
• Don´t keep bothering him with texts and phone calls.  HE IS A BUSY MAN.

Hope it all works out for you.  What a lovely story. It restores my faith in love.

Auntie Aenigma x

Dear Auntie,

I just went to pay him a surprise visit in Turkia and he was nowhere to be found! What should I do? I love him and I know that love can move mountains... Celine Dion says so. Please look at your crystal ball and tell me where he´s at.. I hope he´s ok!

Yours Faithfully

Dear Catwoman "Celine",

You broke the golden rule. NEVER surprise a dudu - they are like startled rabbits in the headlamps.  Dudus are very busy and have a lot of fingers in many pies (if you´ll excuse the expression).  All that juggling women is totally thrown out of wack if you make a surprise visit. PLUS he will have a Turkish fiance to think about too.

No, take my advice and plan your visit months in advance and you will have a very happy time.  Don´t forget to take him an iphone.

Yours sincerely,

Auntie A

Dear "Auntie",

First of all, my name is not Celien, altough I do luve her and oh by the way "Love Can Move Moutains" is the song that my fiancee dedicated to me on our anniversary.

Second of all, I find your tone to be rude and sarcastic even thought you do make some good points. Your "fingers in pies" analogy was very disrespectful and naugthy, I wonder whnat kind of person you are.

I do think you are right that I shouldn´t have surprised him like that, it was very disrespectufl of me, his mother was very sick at that time and he could not be at home, but he explained it to me and I´m ok now. I hope next time we will met in the UK, we are working on his visa.

Don´t worry he has his own iPhone, but unfortunately he has no minutes..

Anyway, I hope you stop messing with people´s minds and insulting people! You don´t know what it´s like to be in lov.

Love xx