Cape Town, Istanbul, San fransisco, New York, Paris, Prague, Budapest, Sydney, Hong Kong, Bangkok ...oh my - so many beautiful places in the world it is difficult to compare!

It's not nice to feel threatened and this man clearly loves you but uses manipulation to get a response from you.
I'd not put up with it. Don't play the game. I'd be honest with anyone who did this to me. I'd state his behaviour is completely unacceptable to me. I'd tell him my feelings and ask him to stop it as it makes me uncomfortable, insecure etc... and makes me question if we have the bottle to move ahead. I'd ask that we build our relationship honestly so that it gets stronger - not tear it down through manipulation and causing each other hurt and discomfort. In the end these behaviours result in too much suffering.
I don't get why so many people play games to try to make the other insecure when the basis of any good relationship is security and knowing one is loved.
Real and loving relationships have no need to create angry jealous responses in the other. It's just a waste of good energy that could go into making a relationship really special instead.
Creating jealousy is asking for a breakdown in time. At first it might work but I have not seen jealous relationships that last in the longerterm.

The risk is if you are honest he says he does not want the relationship to continue - but would you not be better off taking this risk now - than moving in with him and then having to deal with it all later?

I'd not move in with someone till I knew they would work with me to create a safe place for both of us - emotionally and physically.

He says he wants more time - give it to him and use it to establish your own needs and what you really want out of the relationship - and if he is willing to really pull his side.

Good luck - hope you can swing things around.

I'd love to meet up but I can't fix a date in cement because the nature of my hubbies job means that we suddenly have to travel rather often. Wish I could be more proactive. Soz about this. But if others decide on a date and place - godswilling I am here. I will try to work my life around it cos I would love to attend.

I think I am a sucker for warmth! Nothing wrong in my book for expressing love fast and furiously. How wonderful to live the moment fully and passionately!
Again one cannot generalise - I know of kind hearted people who say 'I love you often' and mean nothing by it except giving it as a gift.

I know of other creeps who use it with ulterior motives both here in the UK and in Turkey. But I for one would be crying if we could not use this expression and trust the person it came from even if it meant heartache in the end. But then I am a dying breed of those who hang out on symbolic cliffs and my motto is 'live dangerously!' -lol!

...luckily for me there was a trained surgeon nearby. As I knelt by my guides side in terrible fear praying the surgeon would save his life - I saw a piece of paper crumpled in his hand - I removed it - it said.....

SuiGeneris thank you very much. You made two people much happier today!

He later told me he was my mysterious guide. Standing on the cliffs at Topkapi palace looking over the sea he apologised for being so rude but he had not known anyone to know his feelings for me at work... he was not sure if...

Lonely sad guy needs some comfort - distance getting to him! Please if anyone could translate I would be grateful.Sorry it is so soppy.
I hope I don't make you throw up -lol!


Darling when you ache/long for me I am there. My heart is covering you. Go look at the beautiful sea for us my love. Take peace in this. When I was lonely for you the sea carried my secret flowers and prayers for you many times. The fishermen at Galata bridge rightly thought I was a madwoman! Know in spirit I am always with you just as the sea is always there.

Erdinc I am so touched you took the time plus countless cups of kahve to do this for me. Thank you for your support and encouragement. You really did a remarkable thing here. Not just anyone could climb into the flow of these poems so much as to interpret exactly right. No changes needed anywhere! Beautiful! Just as it should be.

Again Thank you from the heart for this.

Thank you so much - I need to still learn so much! Everytime someone is so kind to help me it inspires me to learn something new everyday.

I am with you on this and would really like to meet as many people as possible. Because I am only a beginner it will inspire me to keep on trying hard - knowing other people have done this!

I want to say:


You are a gifted businessman. I am also very proud of the lovely person you are....

I have the words I think:
Sen
Ustun zekali
isadam
Ben
cok
gurulu
guzel
Sahis

But now I am lost - how to put it together? If I send it like this will he understand or will it just look a crazy mess? I think I am getting way ahead of myself tonight maybe I should just go back to simple vocabulary - lol

Jessica my heart goes out to you. Sometimes feelings get in the way and one can't help fall for someone despite ones circumstances. I don't believe love has to be mutually exclusive, but that's just me! We are in a world that is very stuck in old traditions and judgements. You are brave to post this up!

I read a statistic that around 65% of marriages will see one of the partners having an affair - very sad really. And very very telling.

I can't say what your Turkish man is doing here it does seem a bit worrying. But 4 years has been a long time. It seems you both love each other very much emotionally. I suspect he is finding it difficult to juggle his wife and you?

There is another way forward here that does not bow to the conventional 'affairs' notion. Affairs always seem to end up hurting everyone concerned.

Is it possible for you to speak to your husband about this? And for your friend to speak to his wife? Sometimes it is not especially if there is little love in the relationship or he has an inflexible highly traditional approach to life. However if there is love there then it may be possible. Perhaps an open relationship can happen that is at least honest and without all the lies and secret deceits of affairs. We are living in a world that has changed a lot and the old business of loving only one person monogamously is not for all people. Relationships can be redefined but I think honesty & integrity is 100% essential.
Dual or multiple relationships are very hard work - as you yourself are discovering (even when honesty is involved and all parties know what is going on) but they can work and work very well benefiting and bringing joy to all involved.
They are often a very much better option than the trauma and sadness of divorce. Contrary to what people believe it often involves loving selflessly and being willing to make compromises all round.

I'm sure many people percieve those in multiple relationships as selfish. I can see their point it is terrible when woman are abandoned on a whim and children get hurt in the process. This is the outcome of many affairs and it's a shame. But sometimes it is not to do with an affair so much as a nasty type of person.
There are people who have left a partner for another but who still care for their children and ex very well.


People who have multiple partners are especially loving and have the capacity to love each person in the relationship as an individual in their own right with no comparisons drawn.
This is why it comes as a great big shock to them to discover they are capable of loving other people with no guilt!

There is a word that decribes relationships with multiple partners - 'Polyamory.' There is info on the web. Please look and see if this might not be a better option than an affair for you, your husband and your friend.

Take care. If you need to pm me you are welcome.
I wish you the best.

At Last

I read your messages
late at night I lose time
I see your face
again and again
I taste your love
my joy immeasurable

Am I dreaming that finally
you have thrown the door open
and walked into my waiting heart
Can it be?
Do stars always shine
Mountains always stand
Does the sun always rise
Do autumn leaves fall

Is it true?

Are you here at last Askim?

I never had a more shining gift




Istanbul

I am homesick for Istanbul
Homesick for you my darling one
Galata, bosphorus, beyoglu
Your wild yellow eyes

I am thinking only of Istanbul
She goes on calling me
blue sea ships sailing
your soul I dream of

Istanbul disturbs my sleep
waterbearer moon in the sky
golden sunset minuret
I feel your body turn in the night

Istanbul calls me night and day
fragrant roses, Aya Sophia
mountain honey sweet with wild herbs
I taste your lips

Istanbul fragments my brain
sleek cats, marmaris jellyfish floating
a wild salt wind, summer moon
I am lying in your arms

Istanbul claims my soul
Soft Ney flute, children's laughter
rising in the air
Blue Mosque glowing
velvet evening sky

Oh ... I feel your heart darling
I feel your heart

Mmmm - yes I think so. If all the conditions come from one person only I would be very careful - that's not love - that's control.

But if both people work out conditions that they are happy with that's probably fine.

Teşekkür ederim everyone. Much appreciated. Every day I learn something new on this fantastic site thanks to all of you.

aşığım - I got 'to play knucklebones' on the translator - omg my friend has finally taken leave of his senses -lol!

Well it did make me smile but what does it really mean? My brain will play with this too much tonight!

Thanks friends!

Thanks Erdinc. I can see text messages are going to be a problem

Linda - thanks.

I can't find these in the dictionary please help if you have a second :

asigim

bebegim - is this 'my baby?'

üzledim

düsunüyorum

Welcome - you are among other lovers of Turkiye here. Nice to meet you.

Sagol for sharing Phil, - I did enjoy.

As a lone woman in Istanbul I found at first that the men came onto me thick and fast. I'm no fool mind you - I could see through the sweet talk. But as I was there I thought I best be honest and stand my own ground. I think maybe cos I treated them with respect - it came back to me. I was no more harrassed - the people around me were very kind and helpful.

My turkish friends are warm, kind people. They are unbelievably generous. When I was ill they watched over me night and day I was not left alone - they fed me - called my family for me - mmmmm who in the UK would do this?

I have a Turkish man friend. I watched him doing business in his shop everyday. He was 100% honest all of the time. He never lied once about the items he was selling and would even point out an items faults! In our friendship he has been honest too. So no - not all Turkish men are liars - not at all!

In every country there are faults.
As for me I love Turkey.

Woohoo - I am going to make cay then I am going to read all these poems. Thanks Erdinc

I love that poem 'these fine days' Ramayan - it's too beautiful! Thank you whoever translated it.
Is there a Turkish version online somewhere?

Evilhermit you made me laugh Okay I will be the first fool to post my poem -it is long - bear with it! You next evilhermit -lol - be brave!

The necklace maker.

I have a necklace inside me
strung with thoughts of you
a hundred beads on it
tell our unspoken story

Do you remember Galata?
How I resisted
but you continued relentlessly
making a bead of the moment
turning each bead into a string of events

We fell into the river of thoughts
At the bottom I found
a necklace of glass beads
worn smooth and rarer than gold
untarnished, profound, irreplaceable
invaluable - God's gift and blessing
Don't think it was not beautiful
All creation is beautiful

Perhaps it was too beautiful for you?
Perhaps someone told you it was ugly
You believed them - of course -
You could do better than this
Why have time worn glass beads
formed by God & rivers?
when there is fine gold
glittering in your future?


You'll restring necklaces to adorn
and tempt with again...
in your silver basement
perhaps you will use rubies and pearls
forget ancient glass - toss it away as rubbish
deny the flowing river, the lava of the heart
exchange it for a static predictable love
you can conquer and control
Oh - delusion delusion my friend!

I give beads too much meaning anyway
They could be worthless really
Should I throw them back to the source?
They'd become night stars glowing in the sky
to shine blessings on you
fragments of memories discarded
How easy to toss out everything
close the door and walk away
Fools do it all the time

I won't be full of hopelessness
I won't subscribe to morals and rules
I won't lie and hide my face
I won't live according to expectations
confined and always hoping
boxing my love into an ugly possesiveness
I won't turn the wheel of jealousy
How can I when existence has fallen into me?

I took these broken beads
late at night I knotted them
and restrung them with my heart
In their reflection and light
I thought of you
at your workbench, your strong hands
moving beyond string and bead
beyond everything you know
prayer beads to take us further?
Inshallah

I wear these luminous internal beads
Philosophers stones
of unconditional love
Proudly. With dignity.
Like irreplaceable diamonds
Like a river always flowing
Like pure blue sky endless
I wear these beads in God's name
And I still think of your name.

I think many on our forum love poetry. I read every poem on here - they are all so beautiful. I wonder if anyone writes their own poetry and if they would share it please. Maybe some people will be kind enough to translate for us too.

Any brave poets out there???

Cyrano I think you must be an angel! Thank you for helping me.

Darling we will overcome all obstacles. We can work on this together.

My heart is always open for you. It has always been like this for me right from Galata. You are very very special to me. We can make this something beautiful and work out a way for us. Keep shining your light and thank you for being there for me and making me feel so happy. These days I smile a lot because I know you love me. My heart is at peace at last.



Please please help he is going away just now and I want to get this to him so he knows my feelings before he goes - thank you

Dear Tommysbar - your post touched me so much. Please know that life is not ever a situation that can't be changed. Changing is so very difficult - sometimes we stay in hard situations because of this. When our confidence has been knocked to make a change is even more difficult.

Somewhere inside us all there is a place that abuse and hurt cannot touch. This is the place to find so that strength can be found. We all have it hunni.

Go for love - go for the best in your life because you deserve it so much.

I hope you find the best way forward in your life.
Sending you thoughts and best wishes.

Got here late but it's never too late to celebrate!
Wishing you a very happy day.

Mumbud thanks for your reply. I am crossing fingers for you that your love will only grow stronger. I agree with you - he sounds serious about you and why not seize the day. Go for it hun!

My friend and I continue to create a unique different friendship despite our obstacles on both sides. I was ready to say that if family came first and my presence made things too difficult better that I walk away - but I was very sad about this.

Without prompting he told me last night, that he won't let his dad be like that to me again - and that if I come to Istanbul he will take me away to another city so that I don't need to face this. I never thought he cared so much. I was very touched. Just proves that we can't be too harsh about our Turkish men because I think the majority of guys are really kind and do care. I feel we should hold onto that - because just like every UK girl is not a wanton slut and exception to the rule - it's the same the other way around.

Best of luck - hope to hear all about your trip - hope you have a GREAT time.

Thank you very much.

Can you help me send a short Bayram message in Turkish lutfen:
Maybe others can use it too.


I am wishing you and your family a very blessed Bayram. Have a happy time.

I think this thread is very interesting. Tourist areas are something else but maybe some men there are exceptions. We can't generalise so much - every person is different. I agree with mumbud that English girls have a reputation I have seen how some behave - it's not nice and I was embarressed.

It is so nice to see there are people out there looking to what is on the inside of a person rather than outside. It is very true that the nicest people are not always beautiful on the outside.

Is it possible to love more than one person openly,honestly and not have any jealousy happen? I think so. But this is a very individual thing. Maybe very few can be like this - I don't know. A lot of times people lie and have affairs or end up in longterm relationships that are not as happy as they could be. Don't get me wrong please - I am against affairs and lies and secrets. Also I am against loose sex for the sake of sex alone. It's too painful and often the innocent partner is the last to know. But there is a third way...not good for everyone I know and very unconventional and sometimes difficult, but sometimes it works very well.

Mumbud mentioned his family would not be happy if they married - this is interesting. Mumbud do you mind if I ask you are they happy for you to be b/f and g/f? I wonder. I get a lot of opposition from my friends family and we are just friends. His father never talks to me - he stands there staring at me and says he hates me even though the man does not know me. He tries hard to intimidate me. I don't understand this - it is strange to me that ones family has so much power even when one is a grown up person.

I wish all of you the best with your loves.

Awww - sorry you feel so bad. Sometimes we think too much and then it all builds up. I agree with the above post best thing is to do something nice and relaxing. To try to stop thinking so much. It is not easy but you will see if you can take your mind off things you will feel some improvement.

Sending you good vibes and hope you feel better soon.

Thank you both very much. Now I understand much better.

Please can you translate this above. Is it Bayram today? I feel so stupid I don't know!

If it is Bayram I wish all my classmates a very happy blessed time.

I used the dictonary to try to find the turkish word for poetry but it gave me 3 words. So now I don't know.

Please which one is right? şiir, koşuk, nazım ?

Thanks

Erdinc what can I say - Thank you is not enough.
I too like poetry the best one day I hope to write it in Turkish lol...that's going to be a mission!


Again thanks for doing this I very much appreciate your time to help me.

Erdinc Thank you so much for the help. I have a lot to learn but I was pleased I got some sentences right.

The dictionary is soooo clever. Wow - what a feature! This site is so cool.

That's good to know Nuttheadd - I smiled at the parents bribes it's a bit like some people at Christmas who tell the children if they are not good Father Christmas won't bring presents (as if presents are the important thing!:-S ) - Thanks for that.

I was hoping Sarah would get a reply I wanted to know about Bayram too. I was confused I thought it was seperate from Eid... now I am a little wiser for this. Do you send good wishes to friends and family on this day? Do you send cards or gifts or things like this? Thank you very much everyone for this info.

I stayed at The Ambassador. Basic but fine. In Sultanhamet. Also stayed at The Star Holiday hotel. Again - Sultanamet. Very basic - no views, take your own hairdrier and kettle! Both hotels are right on the tram the tram station is very close by. Both are close to all the major sites - Aya Sophia is about a 3 min walk.
Hope you have a good time.

Last night I tried to make my very first basic sentences but I think I did it wrong :-S ...please help me check if I got it right. Thanks!

I am happy

You are happy

We are happy

They are happy


I was happy

You were happy

We were happy

They were happy


I am trying to find these words in the vocabulary but I could not find them - if you can help please?

sad
heart
desperate
bliss
joy
miss (as in - I miss you)
longing
hugs
lost
kiss
ignorant
important
think
going
more
seeing
know
together
apart
living
full
life
difficult
keep
shining

I am also a Turkiyephile. I love the place can't stay away - it's costing me a fortune in airflights and hotels!
I have mainly been to Istanbul and love how dynamic the place is. Everything about it draws me - the people are very nice, the old architecture is so beautiful, the vibe is there.
I went to Dalyan too - it's worth the trip. Special & beautiful place with lot's to see & do.

- Thank you. You so kind to reply.
I could be wrong but I heard if we send parcels from abroad they don't get to the address in Turkey???

Did anyone have this experience?

Hi Habi

Welcome. This is a great site - full of the best people. I am trying to learn Turkish - I am a slow learner! Everyday I pray my brain will work better -lol. Good luck with everything.

Please can anyone help me translate this.Sorry to ask - I try to learn Turkish but it is so slow so I deeply appreciate any help.


I need to tell you I am very happy in my heart. Thank you for calling me. It meant a lot. Sometimes I worry that I push you into a situation you do not want.
You are like my soul brother.
You know I am always here for you.
Please tell me good dates for you in January?
If Paris is not good and we can't guarentee being together we can try to meet in another place, Greece maybe? You show me Athens? Rome? The place is not so important to me as seeing you, my friend. So much I want to share with you.
I will call you next week. What is the best time?
Have a happy day my special one. I send you a hug.

Please does anyone know the best way to post a package to Istanbul from the UK?

What does it cost?

Is the postal service in Istanbul good?

I really appreciate help on this as I want to send my good friend a special parcel.

Sorry to hear you are going through a sad time. I don't have many words really but in time you might look back and be glad it all ended. Sometimes when I look back on my life I am glad I changed something in my life because in the end it all worked out for the very best. I know that seems a million miles away right now but just go day by day. Pain does get less with time.
Hang in there & hope you feel better soon.

Nightingale thanks so much for helping me out ... Thanks to you I think I get the gist of it

Please can someone translate this song.

Kaybettik Biz

Bir nefeste aldım seni
Bin nefeste çıkmaz oldun
Tam göğsüme bastım seni
Sevmek varken uyunur mu

Ne diyor ne diyor yeni aşklar
Bahar oluyor mu sert kışlar
Yanılıyorumdur inşallah
Gözlerinde telaş var

Acı sözler sarf ettik biz
Birbirimizi incittik biz
Acı sözler sarf ettik biz
Nerden baksan kaybettik biz

The distance & language barriers don't help do they? I empathise. I am in a similar position to you. On & off. And never sure which way it is cutting.

Other girls - I only know when I was in Istanbul the guys there were not exactly monogamous. I was chatted up by one while his girlfriend was a few tables away (a friend of his told me later Later one man told me it was a game...see who could score the most foreign girls.
Now maybe it was just the area I was in - but this made me think...

A poem though - that's got to be a good sign?

Hi xkirstyx you seem to know? So, what's it really like? And is it like this for everyone? Or do some of us 'westerners' find eternal happiness with Turkish men?
Is it true that we are just amenities & conviniences after marriage or is that very narrow thinking? I don't mean to offend anyone - there are bad people everywhere but it just seems from talking to other woman there are definate problems linked to what? Culture? Conditioning? - probably it cuts both ways? But it just seems so many woman seem unhappy after marrying Turkish men.