Three drunks show up at the local whorehouse and the madam realizes they are too drunk to be able to function.

One by one, she sends them up to a room containing an inflatable rubber female doll.

The first drunk returns bragging about what great sex he just got done having; the second one does the same, but the third one returns with a puzzled look on his face.

When asked about it by his buddies he says, "I thought I was doing great until "I bit her on the tit, she let a fart and flew out the window!"

This little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"


The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.


He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking.


"That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple's table.


He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.


She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food.


After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Maam, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered, "the teeth".

A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now.
Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

Just small inter-sex talks...
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Yo Mama Jokes (5 Year Old Edition)

A farmer needs a new cockerel for his chickens. He goes to the bazaar and finds a really horny one.

As soon he gets back, he realeases the cockerel into the coop and he starts working on chickens with all feathers flying ,cluckings etc.

The cockerel seems extrelemy horny and he is always on a chicken. the farmer starts to get worried about the cockerel incase something will happen to him.

And a week later, when the farmer comes back to the coop, he sees the cockerel is laying on his back, his legs are up and his tongue is sticking out and a vulture is circling above!!

The farmer starts to grumble ' I knew it was coming, i wanted a real one but i never expected he would die in a week'
And at that moment the cockerel, whose legs are up and laying on his back, opens an eye and says to the farmer:
'shhhh and get out of here before you scare the vulture'