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Jokes and riddles
(518 Messages in 52 pages - View all)
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80.       lady in red
6947 posts
 24 Feb 2008 Sun 07:09 pm

Quoting thehandsom:

A farmer needs a new cockerel for his chickens. He goes to the bazaar and finds a really horny one.

As soon he gets back, he realeases the cockerel into the coop and he starts working on chickens with all feathers flying ,cluckings etc.

The cockerel seems extrelemy horny and he is always on a chicken. the farmer starts to get worried about the cockerel incase something will happen to him.

And a week later, when the farmer comes back to the coop, he sees the cockerel is laying on his back, his legs are up and his tongue is sticking out and a vulture is circling above!!

The farmer starts to grumble ' I knew it was coming, i wanted a real one but i never expected he would die in a week'
And at that moment the cockerel, whose legs are up and laying on his back, opens an eye and says to the farmer:
'shhhh and get out of here before you scare the vulture'



81.       Leelu
1746 posts
 24 Feb 2008 Sun 09:45 pm

Quoting thehandsom:

A farmer needs a new cockerel for his chickens. He goes to the bazaar and finds a really horny one.

As soon he gets back, he realeases the cockerel into the coop and he starts working on chickens with all feathers flying ,cluckings etc.

The cockerel seems extrelemy horny and he is always on a chicken. the farmer starts to get worried about the cockerel incase something will happen to him.

And a week later, when the farmer comes back to the coop, he sees the cockerel is laying on his back, his legs are up and his tongue is sticking out and a vulture is circling above!!

The farmer starts to grumble ' I knew it was coming, i wanted a real one but i never expected he would die in a week'
And at that moment the cockerel, whose legs are up and laying on his back, opens an eye and says to the farmer:
'shhhh and get out of here before you scare the vulture'


hahahaha .. great one handsom


82.       Daydreamer
3743 posts
 27 Feb 2008 Wed 10:40 am

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson, be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized ".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
Johnson.

83.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 27 Feb 2008 Wed 01:25 pm

Quoting Daydreamer:

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson, be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized ".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
Johnson.


hahahahahahaha
Daydreamer..a really good onelol lol lol

84.       teaschip
3870 posts
 27 Feb 2008 Wed 04:38 pm

Quoting Daydreamer:

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson, be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized ".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
Johnson.

85.       lalisia
0 posts
 28 Feb 2008 Thu 01:41 am

Quoting Daydreamer:

When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson, be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized '.

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
Johnson.




it's a good one Daydreamer!!!!

86.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 07 Mar 2008 Fri 02:02 pm

Some nun jokes:

Two nuns are driving along on a stormy night when they are pulled over by a vampire. One nun says to the other "show him your cross" The other yells out the window " get out of our $%^%ing way you git!",

Three nuns die and end up at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter says that before they can enter, they must first each answer a question. To the first he asks " who were the first humans?" She says "Adam and Eve" and he lets her in. To the second he asks "where did they live?" She says "In the garden of Eden" and she too is admitted. Then he asks the third, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She replies "My goodness that's a hard one" and he opens the gate once again.

A vicar and his friend are playing golf. His friend misses a three foot putt and says "damn! missed the bugger!" The vicar is shocked by his language and tells him that God will strike him down if he keeps on cursing. The friend laughs and says the same thing when he misses the next shot. Suddenly, there is a bolt from the sky and the vicar is struck dead! Then a voice out of the heavens calls "Damn! Missed the bugger!"

87.       geniuda
1070 posts
 07 Mar 2008 Fri 08:32 pm

Quoting Daydreamer:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized ".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
Johnson.


that was so funny Daydreamer, you made my day...lol lol
..so I should add: ohh thank God for the job I have...

88.       peacetrain
1905 posts
 08 Mar 2008 Sat 05:12 pm

Quoting Daydreamer:


"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized ".



Handsom . . could you not find a better job in all of the UK?

89.       lady in red
6947 posts
 08 Mar 2008 Sat 08:36 pm

Quoting peace train:

Quoting Daydreamer:


'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized '.



Handsom . . could you not find a better job in all of the UK?



Well - that was an hysterically funny comment.

90.       peacetrain
1905 posts
 08 Mar 2008 Sat 08:53 pm

Quoting lady in red:

Quoting peace train:

Quoting Daydreamer:


'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized '.



Handsom . . could you not find a better job in all of the UK?



Well - that was an hysterically funny comment.


You are probably right, I overstepped the mark. Sorry to offend.

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