I think I can say I understand you. From reading all the negative stories on the internet and seeing the fact I was so madly, crazily, deeply , everythingly in love.. i wondered how realistic I was. And then I'm just 18. I started feelign such a fool for a long time. I projected each kind of negativity upon Kadir, I always got scared if he asked me where I had been, and I asked myself if this was the sign that he would become more and more jealous over time. If he said that he didn't like that i went out at night till 4.30, I got pissed and projected my 'suppresses women fears' on him. But ey, I'd hate it if he did the same.
These are small examples, but for about 2 months they became a big issue to me, in which I even thought of giving it all up. I was scared that what I believed in so strongly, would turn out to be untrue. I was scared he'd be like all the others. I even asked him if he knew the book/film 'Not without my daughter' about Betty Mahmoody who is married to an Iranian man, with a good doctor job in the USA and a lovely daugther Mahtob. On holiday in Iran, he kidnaps his daughter and turns his wife's live into a nightmare. Out of nothing. My fear gave me the guts to ask Kadir about this. He was extremely hurt and disappointed.
I regretted my question and started thinking again. Even if Kadir would be different thatn what I really believe he is: each memory I have is worth a lifetime pleasure. No matter if 'us together' is lifetime or not, he gave me memories no one has given me before.
Look where I am now: in a month I will live in my appartment in Izmir, close to Kadir. I'm not scared anymore. I'm in love and I care about nothing. I can say that at least I tried. But I believe it will work out fine.
I agree with Aslan. From what I've seen from your posts, I believe in it. I feel weird saying this, I'm just 18 and have had no previous experience on love or life. But still. Something tells me you two are going fine. It's the journey that counts, not the target. The target is worthless if the journey wasn't full of love, wisdom and joy. So far I experienced so much joy and love, and wisdom will surely come. I have an ending on this road, and I hope Kadir will be there. But each step I take with him, is one step enjoyed.
Christine, don't compare yourself to what you read on the internet. Don't try to be sooo realistic like society teaches you to be. You're in love and so is he. Go for it .
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