I don't know if he said he will pay back I just kept the possibility open that it is a good guy.

I just gave Kadir 80 euros But that was because I left them there in summer so that I would not spend them myself here in Holland.. and as he has to pay for my rent starting from tomorrow, he can put that together with the money my dad will send

Once again, thanks everybody for their help. I found a suitable appartment. Well, Kadir found it it's on the first floor of his own building, which is the perfect situation!

It has two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and two balconies with view over the Izmir-bay
It already has carpet and woodenfloors, the kitchen is quite new with oven and the doors and windows are safety-locked with iron-bars. The price is really good and my dad is now on his way to the bank to send the money for september's rent, the commission and the deposit.

I am very happy as it gives me the possibility to learn to live on my own, but I'll be close to Kadir, so I will never be really alone or helpless. My mum was very happy about the Siemens-oven, but the poor thing is that I don't know how to cook anything to put in it

Lots of work to be done, but at least I have a nice place to live, from the day that I get there

I am very sorry for your daughter. She should decide what to do. In any case, she should not send the money because, if they stay in touch, it will give him the feeling he has her under control. He might really be a good, genuine guy who réally just needed the money and seriously meant to pay it back, but sometimes an event like this, can cause a change in the person and will make him 'greedy' and 'overruling'.

I personally don't think you should drop the guy off in one second. She should make clear to him that she likes him, but can't send him any money: she doesn't really make her own living and it's not fair to ask her parents to pay her boyfriend, as his life is his own responsibility and not yours.

By making clear that you are really not willing to send money, but he stays in touch.. maybe he might understnad that he shouldn't ask such things. By always quitting the contact immediately, he'll never learn. Maybe he never will and maybe I'm just too positive.. but as you say, you've met the guy yourself and I'm sure you are not too naive yourself.

Erdinç is right though, it really might cause more problems if you keep involved. But if this is going on, you can always quit the contact.

Also, the phone-thign is a good 'test'. Turkish bfs are very caring and they really want to know where their girlfriends are and they will want to be there for them always. So their phone will be reachable almost anytime. (unless in a bus or soemthing, where phones are forbidden). If she can barely ever reach him immediately, i'd think twice myself too. I don't know if he speaks English or not, but if he doesn't even really try to learn English..

On this website I have seen that teh loves that have most chance to survive, were genuine from the start and both sides are trying to learn English and Turkish to at least overcome communication-problems.


Last thing I agree with all the other members.I think it's a good thing you tried to find information abotu this as a parent. She might be heartbroken for a while, but if you hadn't done this, she might get heartbroken ánd pennyless at the same time.

I wish her good luck. Maybe she'd like to be a member of this website as well. There ar emany girls like her out here and everybody here is willing to help. I found this site very helpful as I made many friends, improved both my English and Turkish and learnt a lot about Turkish culture.

Ofcourse the way people treat each other has to do with the way they have been brought up, the life they have, thus with their culture.. thus, in this case, with being Turkish.

Though many men and women over the world are jealous, we can state it's a Turkish common habit.
Though many men and women share passionate love all over the world, we can state the heartfelt passion, is a Turkish thing we find in men.

I love Kadir for who he is. I have never judged him for being Kurdish, when I met him, I didn't even know who the Kurds were and where Turkey was situated exactly. Now I love him even more for it as it makes me want to explore his roots. I love him for the way he treats his family. The way his friends can count on him. His sense of humor. The way he makes me feel like a goddess. I even love the way we get angry with each other. I love the way his love is overwhelming. It makes me want to get the best out of me for him. I love his interest in history and medicines. I love his passion for the sea and the ships. Oh I just love him. But not because he is Kurdish/Turkish whatsoever. Maybe because Turkish life made him this way. Maybe just because I managed to pick the right man (well, be found by the right man).

Christine, I think if you look at a website like this, but then in Spanish or Italian or any otehr holiday place, you will find just as many western girls falling for these men too. Everyone longs for the things that come from far. Everyone has an emotional boost on holiday. But from all the messages on this website, it is clear what loves are real and what loves won't survive one or 2 holidays. I think that is wat Aslan was talking about and I don't think she meant to judge you

The loves that are real, are beyond the 'happiness' aspect of Turkish lives. They are willing to also cope with the bad sides of living in Türkiye or being with a Turkish man. Turkey is not just gold that shines. Nor is any other country.

Yes. I think I can say that real loves are beyond the happiness aspect of Turkish lives. But just because of this, they can discover even more happiness by going through the surface. And I doubt if that has to do with loving a Turkish man. I pray for all the people who love another nationality, that this is just about love


Well, after this long letter I should send love and greetings Just kidding. But I do wish everybody luck with their love. Everything can be overcome

Someone please correct me!

Eindigheid omarmd door liefde is eeuwigheid.

'Finity embraced by love is eternity'.



This is one of the things that we say about 'it doesn't happen to us'. I wish I knew what to say. ({) If there's anything you need..


Take care.

Well, my deed wás selfish Libralady. I felt like I could not bare to loose him, thus I had to keep him. I didn't go there to make him happy. I went there so that I would be happy from making him happy. Love has to be selfish somewhere, just not too much. Lately I'm trying not to be selfish too much, it's my new thing for love

I agree that one shouldn't make gradations in love, like Sui said. I didn't mean it that way either. It's true that the small things can mean so much. Maybe it's the big gestures that you remember. But it's the small daily things that make you happy together.

When my parents met his parents during summer, ofcourse my 'trip' was a table-subject in the restaurant. His mum asked me 'Ama sana ne yaptı peki?'.. I said 'beni terketti ya!'.. they all laughed and told me next time he'd do such a thing, I should call his mum and she would take care of it

Everybody thanks for the compliments. When I look back, it was so stupid. I could've been raped, robbed, caught by the police, Kadir could've been caught by the police for having an under-age girl in his house. Rationally speaking, it was not a good thing to do. But oh my, how glad I am I did this.