Little boy says to his father....."dad, where does poo come from?"

Dad says "the food passes down esophagus to the stomach, where the digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon and rectum to emerge as ´poo´."

"Blimey", says the little boy " and what about Tigger"

woman one to her friend:  any idea what bob is getting you for you birthday

answer: im getting roses from bob as always

woman one to her friend: well whats wrong with that

answer: well he always has expectation after giving me flowers, and I dont fancy spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.

woman on to friend: dont you have a vase

DEFINITION OF POLITICS ...

 
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ´What is Politics?´
Dad says, ´Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so! we call her the
Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you
the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the
Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.´
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Temel sarhoþ olunca... Temel evde Fadime´ye, "Ah sevgilim, içince cok guzel oluyorsun" demiþ... Bunu duyan karýsý, "a-a! Ben birsey içmedim ki" deyince, Temel, "Evet, ama ben içtim," demez mi!

 "Ah my darling Fadime, drink makes you so beautiful," said Temel.
"But I didn´t drink anything," replied his wife.
"Yes, but I did," he slobbered.

The Olympic skater raced onto the ice and slipped over on his face. He recovered and then fell over again, and again, and again.

Up went the marks of the judges.

Great Britain 0.0

Germany 0.0

France 0.0

Ireland 3.4

´Why the score of 3.4?´ asked the other officials.

´Well,´ said Judge Murphy, ´You´ve gotto make allowances. Oi mean t´was terrible slippy out there!´

> A store that sells new husbands has opened in New
> > > York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.
> > Among
> > > the instructions at the entrance is a description of
> > how the
> > > store operates:
> > >
> > > You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six
> > > floors and the value of the products increase as the
> > shopper
> > > ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item
> > from a
> > > particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next
> > floor,
> > > but you cannot go back down except to exit the
> > building!

> > >
> > > So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a
> > > husband. On the first floor the sign on the door
> > reads:
> > > Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
> > > She is intrigued, but continues to the second

> > > floor, where the sign reads:
> > > Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> > > ´That´s nice,´ she thinks, ´but I
> > > want more.´
> > >
> > > So she continues upward. The third floor sign
> > > reads:
> > > Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are
> > > Extremely Good Looking.
> > >´Wow,´ she thinks, but feels compelled to
> > > keep going.
> > >
> > > She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
> > > Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are
> > > Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
> > > ´Oh, mercy me!´ she exclaims, ´I can
> > > hardly stand it!´
> > >
> > > Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign
> > > reads:
> > > Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are
> > > Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a
> > Strong
> > > Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she
> > goes
> > > to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456 to this floor.
> > > There are no men on this floor. This floor exists
> > solely as
> > > proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you
> > for
> > > shopping at the Husband Store.
> > >
> > > PLEASE NOTE:
> > > To avoid gender bias charges, the store´s owner
> > > opened a New Wives store just across the street
> > > The first floor has wives that love sex.
> > > The second floor has wives that love sex, like beer
> > > and have money.
> > > The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have
> > > never been visited.
>
>
>

Divorce vs Murder

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,

walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,

´I would like to buy some cyanide.´ The pharmacist asked, ´Why in the world do you need cyanide?´

The lady replied, ´I need it to poison my husband´

The pharmacist´s eyes got big and he exclaimed, ´Lord have mercy!I can´t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That´s against the law! I´ll lose my license!They´ll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen.

Absolutely not!you CANNOT have cyanide!´

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist´s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, ´Well now, that´s different.

You didn´t tell me you had a prescription.´

A Girl´s Guide to Geek Guys

So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a whimpering death and you´re wondering where to go from here. All the sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills. Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature with a culture all his own. In short, a geek.

Why Geek Dudes Rule

They are generally available.
Other women will tend not to steal them.
They can fix things.
Your parents will love them.
They´re smart.

Where The Geek Dude Lurks

While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to shows too often. Instead you´ll find them hanging out with their friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them, thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small, though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.

Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace, carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack of players. Their lack is your strength.

Once You´ve Nabbed Him

Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him by your side is another story altogether.

Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a chance.

Geek Cuisine

Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think and aren´t all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however, remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.

One Last Thing

Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven´t noticed them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to realize this as you grow closer to them. Don´t ever try to force the issue, or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you. Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new interloper he hasn´t quite grasped yet.

Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles. Don´t you consider yourself one? Wouldn´t you like a little intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.

 Are you posting this as an advertisment about yourself?

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it´s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you´re a man. That´s interesting. I´m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There´s nothing left, but we´re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at this, here´s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn´t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren´t you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I´ll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil people. Don´t mess with them.